/** ??? ??????, ????? ? ????? ?? ????. ? ????? ? ???????? ?????????? ??????? ????, ???????? ??????, ?? ????? ? ???????????. ?? ???????, ??????? ??????? ????. ???????? ??, ??? ? ????? ??? ???? ???? ??????? ????. ??????? ???? ?????, ???? ???????? ? ??????, ??? ??????? ? ???????. ???????? ??? ?????, ???????? ????. ? ?????, ??? ?? ?????? ??, ??? ?? ??????, ?? ? ?????, ??? ????? ?? ???????? ????????????. ??? ?????????? ?? ?????-?? ???????. ?? ??? ??????? ????????? ? ????? ??????. ??? ???? ?? ?????, ?? ???? ?????????????, ?? ??? ??????????, ?, ????????, ????? ??????, ??? ?????-???? ????????? ?? ???? ... ? ?????? ???? ???? ?? ????? ??? ? ?????? ????? ? ?????? ????????????? ???????????. ??? ???? ????? ?????? ????, ????? ? ?????? ?????, ? ??? ???????? ? ??? ???????????. ??? ?????????? ??????, ?? ??? ??? ??? ?? ?????. ???? ?? ????? ?????, ? ??????? ???? ?????, ??? ???? ????? ??? ???. ???????? ??? ??? ?????. ?? ???????? ? ??? ? ???. ?? ???????? ??? ?????? ?????, ??????. ??? ??????????? ? ??????????, ?? ?? ?? ??????????. ???????, ????? ?????? ??????????, ?? ??????? ????, ??? ??????? ?? ??????. ??? ???? ???????, ? ?? ? ????????, ?? ? ???, ??? ???????. ?? ???? ??????????? ???????? ??????????, ?? ????????? ??????, ? ????????? ???????, ? ???? ???????? ???????? ? ????? ????????, ? ??????? ?? ?????????, ??? ?? ??? ?? ????. ?? ??????? ????, ???? ? ?????-???? ????? ??????. ??? ???? ???????, ?????? ??? ?? ???? ??????, ??? ?? ?? ???? ??? ???, ??????? ?. ???????? ?? ??, ???????, ??? ????? ??? ????????? ? ??????????. "???", ?????? ?, ????????, ??? ??? ????. ?? ??????, ???? ? ?? ???????. ? ??????? ????????? ?????? ?????. ? ?????, ????? ???????????, ????? ???????? ???????? ? ???? ??????. ????? ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ???? ????? ? ????? ?????????? ? ???, ??? ? ?? ?????? ?????? ? ??????? ?? ???????, ??? ? ???? ??????? ?? ??????????, ???????? ????, ????? ??? ??? ????? ???????? ? ???????? ????? ????? ??? ??????? ? ?? ??????? ?? ???????? ??? ???? ???????. ???????????? ? ?????? ???????. ????? ???????? ??? ????????, ????? ??? ? ????? ????? ???????. ?? ???? ?????????, ? ? ?????, ??? ???????? ???? ??? ???????. ?????? ???? ????, ?? ? ???. ????? ? ???????? ????? ??? ?????, ? ???????? ?? ???????? ??? ????????? ? ????? ? ????? ????? ? ?????. ??????????? ? ???? ?????, ???? ? ???????, ?????????? ????? ? ???????. ??? ?? ???? ??????????? ? ?????????? ??????????? ???????? ????? ?? ????-??. ??? ?????? ????, ????? ????. ? ???????? ??????? ? ??????? ?????, ??? ?????????. ?? ??????? ??????, ??????. ? ?????? ?? ??????. ???-?? ? ??? ?????? ??? ??????????. ?? ?????? ?? ??????. ?? ????? ???????? ? ??????, ??? ??? ???????. ? ????? ?????? ??? ?????, ?????? ? ????? ????????. ? ????? ???????? ?????? ? ???? ????, ?? ????? ? ?????. ????? ????????? ?????, ??? ??????? ????????. "??? ???? ??????", ? ??????? ??????? ?????? ? ???????. ??? ???? ??????? ???????, ????? ????????. ???????? ? ??????????? ?????? ??????? ? ???????. ? ????? ??????, ??? ????, ??????? ??????? ??????, ??? ???? ?? ????. ????????? ?????? ??????? ????????. "? ??????, ??? ??? ???????. ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ... "????? ??. ? ????. "? ??????, ??? ?? ??????? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ?? ????????? ?????? ??? ?????? ...", ??????? ??. ????????, ?????? ??????????. "? ???," ??????? ?. "?? ???? ??? ???? ?????. ??? ????, ??? ????? ? ?????? ???, ??? ??? ???. ??? ? ??? ????, ??? ????? ?????? ??? ?????? ????????? ????. "? ??? ? ????, ?? ???? ??????? ?????. "??? ????" ???????, ??? ???????. ?? ????? ??????? ?????. ? ??????????? ??? ????. ? ??? ???? ?????-?? ?????. ???? ?? ????????, ? ???? ??????????, ? ????????. ?? ??????? ????????. ????????. ????? ??. ???? ??????? ? ?????, ??? ?? ?? ???????. ???????, ?? ??????? ??????. ??? ?????? ???????????, ? ????? ????? ?? ????? ????. ? ?? ??????? ??????????????, ?????? ???????? ? ??????? ? ????? ??? ???????. ? ????? ?????, ??? ??? ?? ???? ???????, ? ?????????? ??????????? ??????. ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ?????????? ?? ????. ? ????? ?? ????? ??? ??????, ????? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ? ????????, ? ??????????????, ??? ??????? ?? ????? ??????. ? ???? ????????, ?? ??????? ?? ???? ???????, ??? ?? ???????? ???? ???????. ??????? ????? ??? ? ?????, ????? ???????? ???? ?????? ? ?????????? ???? ?? ???. ? ????? ? ??????. ?? ?????? ???? ? ????????? ? ??????? ??????? ???????? ? ???????. ?? ????????????, ??? ?? ?? ??????? ? ??? ????, ??? ??????. ? ???? ??? ?????????, ??? ???? ? ??????, ??? ??? ????? ?????? ??? ?????, ??????? ???? ????? ????????, ? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ????????????? ???????. ?? ?? ?? ?????????. ? ???? ? ??????? ?????????? ?????. ?????? ?? ??????. ? ?? ??? ????????, ??? ?? ?? ??? ???. ??? ?????? ??????, ??? ???-?? ?????????. ?? ?? ?? ?????, ?? ???????, ????? ????????? ??? ????. ? ???????? ???. ?? ?? ???????. ? ??? ????? ???????????? ????, ??????? ? ???????? ? ??? ????. ?? ??? ???? ??? ??????? ???, ??? ?? ??????? ????????? ????? ?????, ??????? ?, ?? ??????, ???? ?? ????. ???? ?????? ??? ?????, ???? ?? ?????, ????? ?? ?????????. ? ??? ??? ??? ??????????? ??????, ??? ?? ????? ?????? ? ??????. ???? ?? ??? ??? ?? ?, ??? ??? ??? ????? ???? ???. ? ????? ????, ?? ????? ? ?????? ???????. ????? ? ??????, ? ???????????? ??????????, ????? ????? ???. ?? ????? ?? ????? ? ?? ????? ????. ? ????? ????????? ???? ? ????????, ??? ??????????, ?? ?????? ?? ???????, ?????? ?????? ? ???????? ?? ????. ?? ?????, ?????????? ?? ???. ??? ????? ???? ????? ????. ???? ????? ?????????? ?????????????? ??????? ???????? ? ?????? ???. ????? ? ?????? ????????? ????? ??????, ?? ?????? ?????? ????, ??? ????? ?????? ???? ??????????, ? ????? ???????????. "?? ?????? ?? ????? ??????", ????????? ?? ??? ????, ??? ?????? ???? ????????. ????? ????, ??? ???? ??????, ?????? ??? ? ?? ???? ???????. ?????? ????????? ?????? ?????, ????? ?????????? ??? ????? ? ??, ??? ?? ?????? ??????? ???????? ? ??????. "?? ?? ??????? ???? ??????. ? ?????? ", ????????? ??, ? ??? ?? ?????. «???! ??????????, ???! ", ?????????? ?????????, ?? ?????, ???????, ?????????????? ? ????? ???????? ???? ??????? ????? ? ?????, ??????? ? ?????. ??????? ? ????, ???????? ??? ?? ???? ??? ??????, ??? ?????? ???. ? ??????. ?? ?????? ?? ??????, ? ? ?? ??? ??????, ????? ?????, ??? ?? ??????. "??????????, ?? ????? ?????", ?????? ????????? ??, ??????? ???????. ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ?? ???? ? ????, ?? ??? ???? ??? ?????, ?????????? ?? ?? ?????????. ? ?? ?????????? ???. ????? ??? ?????? ???????????, ? ?? ???? ?? ????? ? ???? ???. "????? ???, ??? ?????????, ? ???? ??????, ??????????, ????????? ??? ?????? ???", ?????? ? ????????, ?? ?? ???????. ?? ?? ??????? ???, ? ??? ??? ????? ??????. "??? ?????, ????? ?? ?????? ???:" ? ??????? ?? ?????. ?? ????? ? ??????? ???????, ????????? ??? ? ????? ? ?????? ??? ???? ??????. ?????? ????????? ?????, ?????? ??? ??????????. ??? ?????? ???????????? ?? ?????????, ????? ????????? ????????. ???? ?????? ???????? ???????? ????, ? ?????, ??? ??? ????. ?????, ??????? ???????????, ??? ???? ????????? ?????? ???? ? ???? ??????. "? ..." ?? ????????? ? ??????? ?????????? ?????? "... ????? ????. ??? ??, ? ??? ??? ???, ?? ? ?????, ??? ??? ??? ???????? ????????. ? ?????, ????? ???? ??????, ???? ?? ????. " ?????-?????? ???????????, ??? ????? ? ???? ???? ????? ? ??? ?????????? ? ??? ?? ??? ?????? ?? ????? ???????? ? ??????. ??????????. ???????????. ????????????. ??? ???? ???, ??? ?????? ? ????? ???? ????? ???????? ??, ????????, ????? ??? ?????, ??? ?????? ????????. "? ?? ????, ??? ? ????? ??? ?????????, ?? ??? ?????????, ? ?????? ? ?????, ? ??? ????? ???????? ??????? ? ???? ? ????? ??? ???? ?? ????. ??? ????? ????? ??? ???. " ??????? ?????? ?? ???????? ? ??????? ? ???????? ????????? ???, ????? ???????????. ??????????????. "?? ?? ?? ?????? ????? ... ?????? ?? ????. ?? ?? ?? ?????? ... ", ???, ???????, ?????. ??? ??? ?? ??????. ?? ??????????, ?? ? ????? ???????? ??? ? ?????. "??? ..." ?????????? ???. "... ? ????? ????, ??? ??? ???????????? ???????". ? ?? ??????, ????? ?? ??????????, ??? ????, ????? ???-?? ???????, ????? ???????? ????? ??? ????. ?????? ? ??????????, ??? ??? ? ??????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ?????? ??? ??????? ?????? ? ?????????? ???? ????? ???????? ??, ??? ? ?????????? ???? ??????? ? ?????? ?????? ???, ?? ?? ??? ???? ???, ????? ???????? ???? ?????. ? ????? ????????? ??? ???????? ???, ????????????? ? ?????, ??????? ????????? ???, ? ????, ??? ?? ??????? ?? ????. ???? ??? ?????? ???????? ???? ??????? ?????. "? ??????? ?? ??????? ????, ???????! ????? ??, ?????? ? ?? ?????? ???? ? ???? ????. " ?? ?? ?????? ??? ? ?????, ?? ???????? ????????. ??? ?????????? ??? ? ?????, ??????? ????????? ???? ???????. Cupped ??? ???? ? ????, ??????? ???, ????? ????????? ???? ???? ????? ? ????. ????????? ? ????? ????? ???????? ???? ???????. ????? ????????? ?????? ? ????????????? ??? ???? ?? ????, ??? ???? ???????? ? ????????. ????? ??????? ???? ???? ????????. ?? ??????, ????? ???? ?????? ?????????? ???????. ? ????? ?? ????, ?? ??????? ?? ???? ?????? ? ??????, ??? ????? ?????? ? ??????, "?? ????????". ????? ?? ?????, ??? ?? ?????, ???? ??????? ????. ??? ?? ??????? ?? ?? ?????? ???? ????? ??????, ?? ??? ??????. ? ?? ?????? ??? ???????????, ??? ???????. ? ??????????? ???, ?? ???????. ????? ? ????????, ?? ??????? ???, ? ????? ? ?????? ? ???? ?????, ??? ?????? ?? ????. ????? ????? ?????? ????? ??? ?????????, ??????? ???????? ????. ? ??? ????, ????????? ????????, ??? ?? ????? ????, ????? ??? ???? ?????? ?? ??? ? ???????, ??????? ???? ? ??????? ??? ????. ? ????????? ???????????, ??? ??? ????, ? ????? ??? ??????? ???, ? ?????????? ????? ????? ????????????. ????, ?????????, ????????????, ?????, ???? ? ?????? ??????. ??? ??? ????? ??????? ????. ??????? ????? ????? ?, ??????? ?????, ? ????? ????? ? ????????, ??? ?? ??????, ??? ?? ???. ????? ? ???????, ???????? ??????? ????. ? ??? ?? ????, ??? ?????? ? ??? ??????, ??? ????. ??????? ????????? ? ?????, ? ????? ? ??????? ? ???????? ???, ??? ???? ??? ????????????. ??? ???????? ??? ????? ??????? ? ??????, ???, ????? ????, ?? ?? ??? ???????????. ??? ???? ??? ?????, ??? ????? ??? ??????. ? ????? ? ???????, ? ??? ? ????? ???, ???????? ? ?????. ????? ?? ??????. ? ????? ???????? ? ?????? ?????. ??? ?? ????? ?? ????, ? ?? ????????? ?? ????? ? ?? ???? ??????, ????? ????. ???????. ?? ??? ???, ?????? ?? ???. ?????????, ??? ?? ?????????, ??????? ?? ????????. ?? ?????? ?????? ????? ?????, ? ????? ??????? ?????? ?????. "? ????, ??? ????? ????? ????", ?????? ??, ??? ????? ??? ????, ??? ??????. "?????? ?? ??????", ??????? ?. "????? ?????? ..." ??? ????? ???????. ? ??????? ? ???? ? ??? ????? ???, ????? ??? ????? ?????? ??? ????. ?? ????????? ?? ???? ? ??????? ?????????? ??????, ? ????? ?????? ?????. ??? ???? ???? ????? ???????, ?????? ?????. ????? ????, ?? ?? ?????, ????? ? ??????, ?? ??? ?????, ????? ?? ?????? ???. "?? ?? ? ???????, ??? ?? ???," ??????? ?, ?? ???? ?????? ?? ????. ?? ?????? ????? ? ?????????. ?? ?????? ??????? ????? ???? ?? ????, ??? ????? ??? ???? ???????? ?????? ?????? ????. ? ?????? ??????? ? ??? ????? ? ???, ??????? ???? ?? ?? ?????. ?? ?????? ???? ?? ????, ? ??? ? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ???? ????? ??????????. ? ????? ?????, ??? ?? ?????? ?????. ? ?? ??? ???????? ? ????????????. "? ????????? ???????", ?????? ?? ? ????? ?????????? ????????. ? ?????? ?????. "???, ?? ?? ??????. ?? ?????????? ????? ????????? ", ? ??????? ???????, ??????? ?????????? ????? ? ?????. ?? ?????????, ??????? ???????? ???? ??????? ??? ??????. "?? ?????? ????????? ???? ??? ???? ??????? ..." ? ?????, ??? ?? ?????????, ??? ????? ?? ????? ????????? ???, ??? ???????????. ??? ?????????? ???? ???????, ?? ?????? ?? ??????. ??? ???? ?????????? ?? ?????????, ????? ???????, ??????? ??????? ???? ???????. "??? ?????????", ?????? ??, ?????? ????? ??? ????? ?????. "??????? ?? ???????? ????, ????? ????????? ???????? ?? ???," ??????? ?. ?? ?? ???????. ??? ???????? ???? ???????. ???????????? ???, ??????? ?? ????? ????????, ??? ??????? ?? ??? ???????. "? ???????? ????? ??????", ?????? ??, ????? ??????? ??????? ? ??????. ????? ???????????. "? ???? ?????, ?????????? ????? ? ???? ??????". ??? ??? ????? ????? ????????, ????? ? ?????, ??? ?? ???? ? ????. ?? ??????, ?????? ?????? ??? ??????. ? ??? ?????????, ??? ????. ? ??? ??? ?? ??????? ????? ???? ??? ?? ?????. ? ??????? ?????? ????? ?? ????, ????? ? ?????? ???. ??? ???? ???? ??? ?????, ?, ?????????????, ????? ???? ?????. ? ?? ????? ?? ? ??? ?????? ???? ????. ? ?????? ??? ????? ?? ????????, ???, ????? ? ????? ????? ?????. ? ?? ???? ??????????? ???? ????? ??? ????. ?? ????????? ???? ?? ????? ?????, ??? ????? ? ????????. ??????, ?????, ????????, ? ?.?.. ?????? ???? ?????? ???, ?? ??? ????? ????????? ???????. ? ???? ??? ????????? ???????????, ??? ? ??????, ? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??? ??????? ? ???????? ?????????. ?????? ???? ?????? ???????? ???? ??????, ??? ?????? ? ?????? ???, ????????? ?????? ?? ??? ??? ????, ?, ????????? ? ?????? ???. ????? ?? ???????? ?????, ????? ?????? ?? ?????????? ????? ????. ??? ???? ????? ??? ? ??????, ?? ??? ??? xingávamos ???? ?????, ???????? ? ??? ???? ? ??????, ? ?? ???? ????????? ??? ?????? ???????????? ?????. ??? ???? ??????? ?????? ??? ?? ????, ????????? ??? ????????? ? ?? ????? ??? ?? ???. ? ??????????, ??? ? ???? ??? ??????????? ????. ?? ?????? ?? ????, ?? ? ?? ????. ????????, ??? ?? ???? ??????? ????? ??? ????. ? ?????, ??? ?? ???? "????????" ????????. ???????, ????? ????, ??? ? ?????????? ???????? ??????, ??????? ?? ???????, ?? ???????????, ????????? ?? ???? ? ?????????, ????? ????? ? ?????????, ??? ? ?????? ???. "???", ? ??????? ??????????. "? ???? ??????? ?? ???, ??? ?? ?." ? ?????????? ? ?????, ? ??????, ??? ???? ??? ???????? ? ???????, ? ??????????, ??? ??? ?????? ????????? ? ?????? ????? ? ??????. ?? ????????? ???? ? ??????? ?????? ?? ??? ??????. ?? ????????? ? ??? ????????? ? ????????. ? ????? ???? ?????-?? ????. ????? ? ??????? ???, ??? ?????? ????????. ?? ???? ??? ????????, ??? ??? ??????????? ??? ???????. ? ????? ????? ? ???, ???????? ? ???, ?? ????????? ??????. ? ??????? ? ??? ? ????? ?? ?????? ????????, ????? ?? ??????? ????. "?? ?????????, ????? ?? ??????? ??????," ?????? ??, ????????. ?? ????, ??? ?? ??????? ??? ?????? ?????? ?? ???????, ??? ?? ???????. ? ??????? ???? ? ?????? ?????????? ???. ?? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ? ???? ??, ????????? ?????????? ?????, ??? ???. ? ????????? ?? ? ???, ????? ?? ????. ?? ?????????. ?? ???????? ???? ????? ??? ?????, ?, ???? ??? ?? ????????, ??? ????? ??????, ?? ?????? ??? ?? ???. ????? ?? ?????? ????? ... ? ??????? ?? ?????? ??. ?? ???? ? ?? ???? ? ???? ?? ?????. ???????? ??????, ? ????, ?? ??? ???? ??? ?? ????. ??? ????, ??? ????? ? ??????? ? ??????? ????, ? ?? ??? ? ???????? ???. ? ????, ??? ?? ??? ???????? ? ???? ?????, ? ? ??? ???????? ????. ??? ???? ?????? ??? ????, ????? ????????? ??, ?? ?????? ?? ??? ????? ??????? ?? ???????. ? ????? ???? ?????????? ????, ??? ??? ??????, ? ?????? ??????? ???? ? ?? ??: «??? ?? ?? ?? ???, ?? ???? ? ????????? ?? ????, ? ???? ?????? ????? ????? ???? ? ??????? ???, ??? ??? ?????? ???? ???????. ? ????????, ??? ?? ??? ??? ?? ???, ? ??? ????? ?????? ".
Byl moment, kogda ya veril vo vsem. V lezhit v obeshchaniya naznacheniya sdelali sami, padayushchiye zvezdy, ot udachi i sluchaynosti. No chelovek, kotoryy izmenil menya. Izmenili to, chto ya dumal obo vsem moyem videnii mira. Izmenil svoi plany, svoi printsipy i istiny, moi zhelaniya i zhelaniya. Izmenila moyu zhizn', izmenila menya. YA veril, chto my delali to, chto my khoteli, no ya uznal, chto nichto ne yavlyayetsya sluchaynost'yu. Vse proiskhodit po kakoy-to prichine. On byl obychnym chelovekom v samom nachale. Eto bylo ne vazhno, ne bylo neobkhodimosti, no vse izmenilos', i, vozmozhno, samoye luchsheye, chto kogda-libo sluchalos' so mnoy ... YA proshel mimo nego na ulitse ili v drugom meste i tol'ko privetstvoval obrazovaniye. Eto bylo pochti kazhdyy den', pochti v kazhdom meste, ya uzhe privykla k yego prisutstviyu. Tak nachinayetsya druzhba, no eto byl yeshche ne konets. Yest' na nashikh rukakh, a prostoy zhest lyubvi, ono bylo obshchim dlya nas. Okhvatili nas bez zloby. My govorili o vse i vsya. My posetili dom odnogo druga, vsegda. Vse kommentarii i nedoumeniye, no my ne zabotilis'. Odnazhdy, posle mnogikh razgovorov, on sprosil menya, chto nikogda ne prosil. Mne bylo strashno, a ne s voprosom, no s tem, kak sprosil. On imel obyknoveniye govorit' vpolgolosa, no prosheptal vopros, s opushchennoy golovoy, i imel privychku smotret' v glaza cheloveku, s kotorym on besedoval, kem by ona ni byla. On sprosil menya, yesli ya kogda-libo lyubil nikogo. Eto bylo stranno, potomu chto ne bylo nichego, chto on ne znal obo mne, podumal ya. Nesmotrya na to, oglushen, moy otvet byl iskrennim i zastenchivy. "Net", skazal ya, nablyudaya, kak yego litso. On stonal, chego ya ne ponimayu. YA smotrel neskol'ko dolgikh minut. YA khotel, chtoby izobrazheniye, chtoby ostat'sya navsegda v moyey pamyati. Kogda ya smotrel na nego, kak eto? Kogda ya iskal nedostatki v nem, tak i ne nashli? Pochemu ya nikogda ne zamechal, chto u nego rodinka na podborodke, vesnushki yasno, forma rta ili smes' zelenogo i karameli glaza byli? Kak nikogda ya ne zamechal yeye krasoty? Eto bylo krasivo. Udivitel'nyye i nelepo krasivo. Khotel ostat'sya tam navsegda, glyadya yemu v yasnom svete sumerek. Yeye shcheki vspykhnuli, i ya ponyal, chto molchaniye bylo uzhe nelovko. Trudno bylo uyti, no ya byl. Kogda ya vernulsya domoy toy noch'yu, ya podnyalsya po lestnitse bez kolebaniy v dver' i poshel pryamo v nomer. Pogruzhennyy v svoi mysli, lezha v posteli, utknuvshis' litsom v podushku. Chto so mnoy proiskhodit? YA chuvstvoval potrebnost' uslyshat' otvet ot kogo-to. Moy luchshiy drug, mozhet byt'. YA skhvatila telefon i nabrala nomer, bez kolebaniy. On otvetil bystro, khriplo. YA nichego ne skazal. Chto-to v yego golose mne zamorozili. On nichego ne skazal. Po zvuku molchaniya ya slyshal, eto byl nelovko. YA pochti slyshal yego mysli, vmeste s vashim dykhaniyem. YA khotel sprosit' tysyachu i odnu veshch', no komok v gorle. Cherez neskol'ko minut, mne udalos' govorit'. "Kak yest' lyubov'", ya shepotom sprosil slabym i khriplym. Eto bylo nemnogo stranno, chtoby sprosit'. Zhestokim i boleznennym tishina povisla v vozdukhe. YA khotel verit', chto zvuk, kotoryy narushil tishinu, byl zvuk yeye slez. Nekotoryye drugiye momenty molchaniye. "YA slyshal, chto eto stranno. I eto na samom dele ... "nachal on. YA zhdal. "YA slyshal, chto vy teryayete zemlyu, eto kak yesli by otkrylas' bezdna pod nogami ...", dobavil on. Kazalos', teper' bezopasneye. "I tak," sprosil ya. "So mnoy vse bylo inache. Eto bylo, kak budto v pervyy raz, pol byl tam. Kak ya uzhe znal, chto mozhno khodit' bez nichego svergnut' menya. "YA byl v shoke, ne mogu skazat' mnogo. "Kto ona?" Pozhalel, chto sprosil. On izdal tyazhelyy vzdokh. YA chuvstvovala yego bol'. U nas byla kakaya-to svyaz'. Yesli on stradayet, ya tozhe postradali, i naoborot. Ne udalos' izbezhat'. Molchaniye. Opyat' zhe. Odno dykhaniye i ponyal, chto on ne otvetil. Nakonets, on povesil trubku. Moi koleni podognulis', i slezy tekli po moyemu litsu. YA ne pytalsya kontrolirovat', prosto vernulsya v krovat' i obnyal moyu podushku. YA ponyal togda, chto eto ne bylo podushki, ya chuvstvoval potrebnost' obnyat'. YA ponyatiya ne imel, chto proiskhodit so mnoy. YA khotel by imet' yego vokrug, chtoby on mog obnyat' menya i komforta, s intensivnost'yu, chto nikogda ne khotel ran'she. YA byla vlyublena, no nikogda ne byla sil'noy, chto on zastavil menya plakat'. Zhelaniye imet' yego s soboy, pochti zastavil menya vstat' i nemedlenno idti za nim. A potom ya zasnul. Na drugoy den' ya prosnulsya s temnymi krugami glubokim i tyazhelym. My dogovorilis', chto my by uvideli v tot den', kak obychno. YA byla tak schastliva, tak rada s mysl'yu, chto oni budut videt' yego snova, provedya chasy pered zerkalom, ya dumal, chto eto bylo deystvitel'no krasivo. No on ne poyavlyalsya. YA zhdal v techeniye neskol'kikh minut. Nichego on pribyl. YA ne mog poverit', chto on ne byl tam. Mog tol'ko dumat', chto chto-to sluchilos'. On by ne zabyl, ni sdelat', chtoby prichinit' mne bol'. YA pozvonil yemu. On ne otvetil. YA uzhe nachal bespokoit'sya menya, poetomu ya pozvonil v yego dome. Na eto mat' yego skazala mne, chto on pokinul neskol'ko chasov nazad, nervnoy i, ne skazav, kuda on idet. Byli tol'ko dva mesta, kuda on poshel, kogda on nervnichal. V moy dom ili zabroshennoye zdaniye, gde on lyubil khodit' i dumat'. Yesli by eto byl ne ya, eto kak raz mozhet byt' tam. YA poshel tuda, ne dumaya o drugikh gipotez. Kogda ya pribyl, ya pochuvstvoval oblegcheniye, chtoby nayti yego. On lezhal na spine i ne videl menya. YA khotel protyanut' ruku i sprosit', chto proiskhodit, no nichego ne skazala, prosto stoyala i smotrela na nego. On vstal, povernulsya ko mne. Yego glaza byli polny slez. Bylo pochti nevozmozhno kontrolirovat' zhelaniye vybezhat' i obnyat' yego. Kogda ya sdelal neskol'ko shagov vpered, on podnyal pravuyu ruku, kak budto prosit menya ostanovit', a zatem ostanovilsya. "My bol'she ne mozhem videt'", prosheptal on tak tikho, chto trudno bylo uslyshat'. Mozhet byt', eto bylo trudno, potomu chto ya ne khochu slyshat'. Proshlo neskol'ko dolgikh minut, chtoby perevarit' eti slova i to, kak on skazal golosom kholodnym i grubym. "Vy ne uvidite menya bol'she. YA obeshchayu ", prodolzhil on, s tem zhe tonom. «Net! Pozhaluysta, net! ", Popytalas' zakrichat', no glyba, kotoraya, obrazovavshiysya v gorle pomeshala moim golosom vyshel v golos, kotoryy ya khotel. Vystrel k nemu, okutyvaya yego na ruki tak sil'no, kak tol'ko mog. YA plakal. On nichego ne skazal, i ya by vse otdala, chtoby znat', chto on dumayet. "Pozhaluysta, ne delay etogo", khriplo prosheptal on, tyazhelyye rydaniya. YA ponyatiya ne imel, chto on imel v vidu, no mne bylo vse ravno, nezavisimo ot ikh namereniy. YA ne ottolknut' yego. Zatem yego koleni podognulis', i on upal na zemlyu u moikh nog. "Skazhi mne, chto sluchilos', ya khochu pomoch', pozhaluysta, pozvol'te mne pomoch' vam", skazal ya spokoyno, no on uslyshal. On ne otvechal mne, i byl vse vremya plachet. "Mne nuzhno, chtoby ty skazal mne:" YA nastoyal na svoyem. On stoyal s bol'shim usiliyem, posmotrel mne v glaza i derzhal moi ruki plotno. Proshlo neskol'ko minut, prezhde chem zagovorit'. Moye serdtse ostanovilos' na mgnoveniye, zatem uskorilsya otchayanno. Yesli serdtse nachinayet izluchat' zvuk, ya dumayu, chto eto zvuk. Slova, kotoryye posledovali, kak zvuk razbitogo stekla ekhom v moyey golove. "YA ..." on kolebalsya v techeniye neskol'kikh sekund "... lyublyu tebya. Eto vy, ya vse yeshche zhiv, no ya dumayu, chto eto uzhe dovol'no ochevidno. YA proshu, chtoby vashi luchshiye, uyti ot menya. " Kogda-nibud' chuvstvovali, kak budto u nego bylo mnogo o chem pogovorit' i vse zhe ona nichego ne mogla skazat'? YA khorosho. Nedoumenii. Paralizovan. Nedvizhimost'. Tak bylo mne, chto lyubit? S kakikh por? Kakim obrazom? On, kazalos', ponyal moi mysli, kak bystro otvetili. "YA ne znayu, kak i kogda eto proizoshlo, no eto proizoshlo, i teper' ya zdes', ya vse boleye aktivnoye uchastiye v etom i proshu vas uyti ot menya. Eto budet luchshe dlya vas. " Pochemu? Pochemu on govorit? YA vdokhnul i vydokhnul neskol'ko raz, chtoby uspokoit'sya. Bezrezul'tatno. "Vy zhe ne khotite etogo ... Otoydi ot menya. Vy zhe ne khotite ... ", mog, nakonets, slovo. Eto byl ne vopros. On otvernulsya, ne v silakh smotret' mne v glaza. "Net ..." prosheptala ona. "... A mozhet byt', eto moy mazokhistskiye storony". YA ne khotela, chtoby on chuvstvoval, chto put', khotel chto-to sdelat', chtoby polozhit' konets yego bol'. Pochemu ya chuvstvoval, chto beg i pryzhki, chto zdaniye? Pochemu moye serdtse tak bol'no? Pochemu ya chuvstvoval sebya takim obrazom? To, chto ya chuvstvoval sebya voobshche? YA krepko obnyala yego, no on izo vsekh sil, chtoby oslabit' moikh rukakh. YA khotel sokhranit' yego navsegda tam, raspolozhennyy v grudi, pytayas' uspokoit' yego, i zhal', chto on nikogda ne ushel. Ideya yego ot"yezd zastavil menya plakat' snova. "YA nikogda ne ostavlyu tebya, nikogda! Poymi ty, idiot? YA ne otpushchu tebya v etom rode. " On ne sdelal eto v shutku, no perestal borot'sya. Ona posmotrela mne v glaza, kotoryye zastavili menya drozhat'. Cupped moye litso v ruki, gladit' yego, potom priblizil svoye litso blizhe k moyey. Svyazhites' s nashey shkury zastavil menya drozhat'. Cherez neskol'ko sekund ya pochuvstvovala yego guby na moikh, oni byli goryachimi i sladkimi. Samyy sladkiy vkus vsekh potseluyev. Ne khotela, chtoby etot moment zakonchitsya nikogda. I kogda on ushel, on vydavil iz sebya ulybku i skazal, yego golos tonkiy i nizkiy, "do svidaniya". Davno ne videl, kak on vyshel, nogi derzhali menya. Chto my delali? My ne dolzhny byli etogo delat', ne byl uveren. YA ne dolzhen byl ponravilos', chto potseluy. V posleduyushchiye dni, ne govoril. Kogda ya pozvonil, on otvetil mne, i kogda ya prishel k nemu domoy, tam nikogo ne bylo. Pochti cherez nedelyu posle yego priznaniyu, novost' potryasla menya. YA byl doma, zadavayas' voprosom, gde on mozhet byt', kogda moya mat' prishla ko mne s glazami, polnymi slez i vneshniy vid boli. YA popytalsya predstavit', chto eto bylo, i kogda ona skazala mne, ya chuvstvoval mnogo veshchey odnovremenno. Bol', udivleniye, bespokoystvo, toska, bol' i mnogoye drugoye. Eto byl ochen' sil'nyy udar. Vystrel cherez dver' i, nedolgo dumaya, ya poshel pryamo v bol'nitsu, gde yey skazal, chto on byl. Kogda ya priyekhal, otchayaniya okhvatil menya. YA uzhe ne znal, chto dumat' i chto delat', yeshche yest'. Pytayas' sovladat' s soboy, ya poshel v resepshn i poprosil yego, dav svoye imya registratora. Ona pokazala mne nomer komnaty i skazal, chto, mozhet byt', on ne mog vstrechat'sya. Mne bylo vse ravno, mne nuzhno yego videt'. YA iskal v komnate, i tak ya nashel yego, postuchal v dver'. Nikto ne otkryl. YA snova postuchal i otkryl dver'. Tem ne meneye ne idti, ya ne posmotrel na nomer i ne bylo nikogo, krome nego. Vstupil. On byl tam, spinoy ko mne. Nadeyalas', chto on prosnulsya, poetomu on pereyekhal. On brosil vzglyad cherez plecho, a zatem opustil golovu snova. "YA znal, chto skoro nayti menya", skazal on, yego golos byl nizhe, chem obychno. "Pochemu ty zdes'?", Sprosil ya. "Mnogo prichin ..." Yego golos drognul. YA podoshel k nemu i sel pered ney, chtoby ona mogla videt' yego litso. On posmotrel na menya v techeniye neskol'kikh sekund, a zatem zakryl glaza. Yego telo bylo polno sinyakov, temnyye pyatna. Mozhet byt', on ne khotel, chtoby ya skazal, no mne nuzhno, chtoby on skazal mne. "Ty ne v poryadke, eto ne tak," sprosil ya, ne znaya otveta ne bylo. On otkryl glaza i ulybnulsya. Yeye ulybka ozarila takoy zhare na menya, kak budto eto bylo zhiznenno vazhnoy chast'yu menya. YA oboshel krovat' i leg ryadom s ney, polozhiv ruku na yeye talii. On derzhal menya za ruku, i tak ya ponyal, chto yego kozha byla ochen' prokhladnoy. YA videl takzhe, chto on tyazhelo dyshal. YA ne mog poverit' v proiskhodyashcheye. "YA sobirayus' umeret'", skazal on v golos sovershenno kholodnym. YA plakal snova. "Net, vy ne budete. Ne pozvolyayte etomu sluchit'sya ", ya pytalsya skazat', pytayas' proglotit' komok v gorle. On zasmeyalsya, kotoryy zastavil menya plakat' yeshche bol'she. "Vy dolzhny nauchit'sya zhit' bez menya devochka ..." YA ponyal, chto on ulybayetsya, kak budto on nashel blagodat' vse, chto proiskhodilo. Eto razdrazhalo menya nemnogo, no nichego ne skazal. Yego telo napryaglos' na mgnoveniye, zatem pokachal, kotoryy ispugal menya nemnogo. "Eto normal'no", skazal on, slovno chitaya moi mysli snova. "Poetomu ty poprosil menya, chtoby derzhat'sya podal'she ot vas," sprosil ya. On ne otvetil. Yego molchaniye bylo nelovko. Yedinstvennyy shum, kotoryy my mogli uslyshat', byl apparat na yego storone. "YA ostavlyayu zdes' zavtra", skazal on, posle dolgogo vremeni v tishine. Pochti pogoryachilsya. "YA khochu domoy, nakhodit'sya ryadom s moyey sem'yey". Eto byl konets moyego soznaniya, kogda ya ponyal, chto on imel v vidu. Ne vopros, prosto obnyala yego krepche. I tak sledovalo, chto den'. YA tam byl do nemnogo posle togo kak on usnul. YA plakala prosto glyadya na nego, mysl' o potere yego. Yego mat' byla tam takzhe, i, sledovatel'no, mozhet idti domoy. YA ne dumal ni o chem drugom ves' den'. YA tol'ko chto vyshel iz bol'nitsy, chto, kogda ya poshel domoy noch'yu. YA ne mogu predstavit' svoyu zhizn' bez nego. Na sleduyushchiy den' on poshel domoy, vse poshli v bol'nitsu. Druz'ya, sem'ya, znakomyye, i t.d.. Mnogiye lyudi lyubili yego, on byl ochen' osobennyy chelovek. U nego byl nebol'shoy zatrudneniy, idya k mashine, a yego mat' byla na yego storone v kachestve podderzhki. Smotrya etot epizod zastavil menya ponyat', kak sil'no ya lyubila yego, naskol'ko vazhnym on byl dlya menya, i, naskol'ko ya khotela yego. Kogda on vernulsya domoy, pochti nichego ne izmenilos' mezhdu nami. Eto bylo pochti kak i ran'she, my vse yeshche xingávamos drug druga, obsuzhdaya o yego vkus v muzyke, i on dazhe kritikuyut moi volosy okhvatyvayushchikh glaza. Eto bylo priyatno videt' yego so mnoy, zastavit' yego ulybat'sya v to vremya kak on mog. YA chuvstvoval, chto u menya byl pozhiznennyy srok. Ne tol'ko ot nego, no i ot moikh. Kazalos', chto ne bylo nikakoy zhizni bez nego. YA dumayu, chto my byli "vedushchimi" situatsiyu. Odnazhdy, posle togo, kak ya kritikoval dovol'no muzyka, kotoruyu on slushayet, on ostanovilsya, posmotrel na menya i ulybnulsya, kogda noch'yu ya obnaruzhil, chto ya lyubila yego. "Chto", ya sprosil ogranicheny. "YA budu skuchat' po vam, gde by ya." YA ulybnulas' v otvet, i bol'she, chem bylo uzhe privykayu k ??slezy, ya chuvstvoval, chto moye serdtse szhimayetsya s kazhdym slezy ya prolil. Na sleduyushcheye utro ya poluchil zvonok ot yego materi. On ukhudshilsya i byl dostavlen v bol'nitsu. YA poshel tuda kogda-to znal. Kogda ya uvidela yego, moye serdtse zabilos'. On yedva mog govorit', tak chto potrebovalo yego usiliyam. YA sidel ryadom s nim, govorit' s nim, ne dozhidayas' otveta. YA govoril s nim o veshchakh iz nashego proshlogo, kogda on prerval menya. "Ty prekrasna, kogda vy derzhite volosy," skazal on, ulybayas'. On znal, chto on zametil moi volosy prosto ne ozhidala, chto on govoril. YA podavil smekh i prosto ulybnulas' yemu. On derzhal menya za ruku i szhal yeye, ispol'zuya naibol'shey siloy, chto mog. YA potseloval yeye v lob, potom yeye guby. On ulybnulsya. On poprosil menya spet' yemu pesnyu, i, khotya mne ne nravitsya, chto stil' muzyki, on shepnul yemu na ukho. Potom on zakryl glaza ... i nikogda ne otkryl ikh. On umer v tu noch' u menya na rukakh. Vyglyadit uzhasno, ya znayu, no dlya menya eto ne bylo. Eto bylo, kak budto ya kachalsya v techeniye nochi, i on byl v glubokom sne. YA znayu, chto on byl schastliv v moikh rukakh, i ya byl schastliv tozhe. Eto bylo trudno dlya menya, chtoby otpustit' yeye, no teper' on kak budto nikogda ne pokidal. I kogda lyudi sprashivayut menya, gde moya lyubov', ya vsegda otvechayu odno i to zhe: «Gde by on ni byl, on zhdet i nablyudayet za mnoy, i nasha lyubov' budet vechno zhit' v serdtsakh tekh, kto byl chast'yu etoy istorii. YA chuvstvuyu, chto on vse yeshche vo mne, i tak budet vsegda ". ??? ??????, ????? ? ????? ?? ????. ? ????? ? ???????? ?????????? ??????? ????, ???????? ??????, ?? ????? ? ???????????. ?? ???????, ??????? ??????? ????. ???????? ??, ??? ? ????? ??? ???? ???? ??????? ????. ??????? ???? ?????, ???? ???????? ? ??????, ??? ??????? ? ???????. ???????? ??? ?????, ???????? ????. ? ?????, ??? ?? ?????? ??, ??? ?? ??????, ?? ? ?????, ??? ????? ?? ???????? ????????????. ??? ?????????? ?? ?????-?? ???????. ?? ??? ??????? ????????? ? ????? ??????. ??? ???? ?? ?????, ?? ???? ?????????????, ?? ??? ??????????, ?, ????????, ????? ??????, ??? ?????-???? ????????? ?? ???? ... ? ?????? ???? ???? ?? ????? ??? ? ?????? ????? ? ?????? ????????????? ???????????. ??? ???? ????? ?????? ????, ????? ? ?????? ?????, ? ??? ???????? ? ??? ???????????. ??? ?????????? ??????, ?? ??? ??? ??? ?? ?????. ???? ?? ????? ?????, ? ??????? ???? ?????, ??? ???? ????? ??? ???. ???????? ??? ??? ?????. ?? ???????? ? ??? ? ???. ?? ???????? ??? ?????? ?????, ??????. ??? ??????????? ? ??????????, ?? ?? ?? ??????????. ???????, ????? ?????? ??????????, ?? ??????? ????, ??? ??????? ?? ??????. ??? ???? ???????, ? ?? ? ????????, ?? ? ???, ??? ???????. ?? ???? ??????????? ???????? ??????????, ?? ????????? ??????, ? ????????? ???????, ? ???? ???????? ???????? ? ????? ????????, ? ??????? ?? ?????????, ??? ?? ??? ?? ????. ?? ??????? ????, ???? ? ?????-???? ????? ??????. ??? ???? ???????, ?????? ??? ?? ???? ??????, ??? ?? ?? ???? ??? ???, ??????? ?. ???????? ?? ??, ???????, ??? ????? ??? ????????? ? ??????????. "???", ?????? ?, ????????, ??? ??? ????. ?? ??????, ???? ? ?? ???????. ? ??????? ????????? ?????? ?????. ? ?????, ????? ???????????, ????? ???????? ???????? ? ???? ??????. ????? ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ???? ????? ? ????? ?????????? ? ???, ??? ? ?? ?????? ?????? ? ??????? ?? ???????, ??? ? ???? ??????? ?? ??????????, ???????? ????, ????? ??? ??? ????? ???????? ? ???????? ????? ????? ??? ??????? ? ?? ??????? ?? ???????? ??? ???? ???????. ???????????? ? ?????? ???????. ????? ???????? ??? ????????, ????? ??? ? ????? ????? ???????. ?? ???? ?????????, ? ? ?????, ??? ???????? ???? ??? ???????. ?????? ???? ????, ?? ? ???. ????? ? ???????? ????? ??? ?????, ? ???????? ?? ???????? ??? ????????? ? ????? ? ????? ????? ? ?????. ??????????? ? ???? ?????, ???? ? ???????, ?????????? ????? ? ???????. ??? ?? ???? ??????????? ? ?????????? ??????????? ???????? ????? ?? ????-??. ??? ?????? ????, ????? ????. ? ???????? ??????? ? ??????? ?????, ??? ?????????. ?? ??????? ??????, ??????. ? ?????? ?? ??????. ???-?? ? ??? ?????? ??? ??????????. ?? ?????? ?? ??????. ?? ????? ???????? ? ??????, ??? ??? ???????. ? ????? ?????? ??? ?????, ?????? ? ????? ????????. ? ????? ???????? ?????? ? ???? ????, ?? ????? ? ?????. ????? ????????? ?????, ??? ??????? ????????. "??? ???? ??????", ? ??????? ??????? ?????? ? ???????. ??? ???? ??????? ???????, ????? ????????. ???????? ? ??????????? ?????? ??????? ? ???????. ? ????? ??????, ??? ????, ??????? ??????? ??????, ??? ???? ?? ????. ????????? ?????? ??????? ????????. "? ??????, ??? ??? ???????. ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ... "????? ??. ? ????. "? ??????, ??? ?? ??????? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ?? ????????? ?????? ??? ?????? ...", ??????? ??. ????????, ?????? ??????????. "? ???," ??????? ?. "?? ???? ??? ???? ?????. ??? ????, ??? ????? ? ?????? ???, ??? ??? ???. ??? ? ??? ????, ??? ????? ?????? ??? ?????? ????????? ????. "? ??? ? ????, ?? ???? ??????? ?????. "??? ????" ???????, ??? ???????. ?? ????? ??????? ?????. ? ??????????? ??? ????. ? ??? ???? ?????-?? ?????. ???? ?? ????????, ? ???? ??????????, ? ????????. ?? ??????? ????????. ????????. ????? ??. ???? ??????? ? ?????, ??? ?? ?? ???????. ???????, ?? ??????? ??????. ??? ?????? ???????????, ? ????? ????? ?? ????? ????. ? ?? ??????? ??????????????, ?????? ???????? ? ??????? ? ????? ??? ???????. ? ????? ?????, ??? ??? ?? ???? ???????, ? ?????????? ??????????? ??????. ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ?????????? ?? ????. ? ????? ?? ????? ??? ??????, ????? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ? ????????, ? ??????????????, ??? ??????? ?? ????? ??????. ? ???? ????????, ?? ??????? ?? ???? ???????, ??? ?? ???????? ???? ???????. ??????? ????? ??? ? ?????, ????? ???????? ???? ?????? ? ?????????? ???? ?? ???. ? ????? ? ??????. ?? ?????? ???? ? ????????? ? ??????? ??????? ???????? ? ???????. ?? ????????????, ??? ?? ?? ??????? ? ??? ????, ??? ??????. ? ???? ??? ?????????, ??? ???? ? ??????, ??? ??? ????? ?????? ??? ?????, ??????? ???? ????? ????????, ? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ????????????? ???????. ?? ?? ?? ?????????. ? ???? ? ??????? ?????????? ?????. ?????? ?? ??????. ? ?? ??? ????????, ??? ?? ?? ??? ???. ??? ?????? ??????, ??? ???-?? ?????????. ?? ?? ?? ?????, ?? ???????, ????? ????????? ??? ????. ? ???????? ???. ?? ?? ???????. ? ??? ????? ???????????? ????, ??????? ? ???????? ? ??? ????. ?? ??? ???? ??? ??????? ???, ??? ?? ??????? ????????? ????? ?????, ??????? ?, ?? ??????, ???? ?? ????. ???? ?????? ??? ?????, ???? ?? ?????, ????? ?? ?????????. ? ??? ??? ??? ??????????? ??????, ??? ?? ????? ?????? ? ??????. ???? ?? ??? ??? ?? ?, ??? ??? ??? ????? ???? ???. ? ????? ????, ?? ????? ? ?????? ???????. ????? ? ??????, ? ???????????? ??????????, ????? ????? ???. ?? ????? ?? ????? ? ?? ????? ????. ? ????? ????????? ???? ? ????????, ??? ??????????, ?? ?????? ?? ???????, ?????? ?????? ? ???????? ?? ????. ?? ?????, ?????????? ?? ???. ??? ????? ???? ????? ????. ???? ????? ?????????? ?????????????? ??????? ???????? ? ?????? ???. ????? ? ?????? ????????? ????? ??????, ?? ?????? ?????? ????, ??? ????? ?????? ???? ??????????, ? ????? ???????????. "?? ?????? ?? ????? ??????", ????????? ?? ??? ????, ??? ?????? ???? ????????. ????? ????, ??? ???? ??????, ?????? ??? ? ?? ???? ???????. ?????? ????????? ?????? ?????, ????? ?????????? ??? ????? ? ??, ??? ?? ?????? ??????? ???????? ? ??????. "?? ?? ??????? ???? ??????. ? ?????? ", ????????? ??, ? ??? ?? ?????. «???! ??????????, ???! ", ?????????? ?????????, ?? ?????, ???????, ?????????????? ? ????? ???????? ???? ??????? ????? ? ?????, ??????? ? ?????. ??????? ? ????, ???????? ??? ?? ???? ??? ??????, ??? ?????? ???. ? ??????. ?? ?????? ?? ??????, ? ? ?? ??? ??????, ????? ?????, ??? ?? ??????. "??????????, ?? ????? ?????", ?????? ????????? ??, ??????? ???????. ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ?? ???? ? ????, ?? ??? ???? ??? ?????, ?????????? ?? ?? ?????????. ? ?? ?????????? ???. ????? ??? ?????? ???????????, ? ?? ???? ?? ????? ? ???? ???. "????? ???, ??? ?????????, ? ???? ??????, ??????????, ????????? ??? ?????? ???", ?????? ? ????????, ?? ?? ???????. ?? ?? ??????? ???, ? ??? ??? ????? ??????. "??? ?????, ????? ?? ?????? ???:" ? ??????? ?? ?????. ?? ????? ? ??????? ???????, ????????? ??? ? ????? ? ?????? ??? ???? ??????. ?????? ????????? ?????, ?????? ??? ??????????. ??? ?????? ???????????? ?? ?????????, ????? ????????? ????????. ???? ?????? ???????? ???????? ????, ? ?????, ??? ??? ????. ?????, ??????? ???????????, ??? ???? ????????? ?????? ???? ? ???? ??????. "? ..." ?? ????????? ? ??????? ?????????? ?????? "... ????? ????. ??? ??, ? ??? ??? ???, ?? ? ?????, ??? ??? ??? ???????? ????????. ? ?????, ????? ???? ??????, ???? ?? ????. " ?????-?????? ???????????, ??? ????? ? ???? ???? ????? ? ??? ?????????? ? ??? ?? ??? ?????? ?? ????? ???????? ? ??????. ??????????. ???????????. ????????????. ??? ???? ???, ??? ?????? ? ????? ???? ????? ???????? ??, ????????, ????? ??? ?????, ??? ?????? ????????. "? ?? ????, ??? ? ????? ??? ?????????, ?? ??? ?????????, ? ?????? ? ?????, ? ??? ????? ???????? ??????? ? ???? ? ????? ??? ???? ?? ????. ??? ????? ????? ??? ???. " ??????? ?????? ?? ???????? ? ??????? ? ???????? ????????? ???, ????? ???????????. ??????????????. "?? ?? ?? ?????? ????? ... ?????? ?? ????. ?? ?? ?? ?????? ... ", ???, ???????, ?????. ??? ??? ?? ??????. ?? ??????????, ?? ? ????? ???????? ??? ? ?????. "??? ..." ?????????? ???. "... ? ????? ????, ??? ??? ???????????? ???????". ? ?? ??????, ????? ?? ??????????, ??? ????, ????? ???-?? ???????, ????? ???????? ????? ??? ????. ?????? ? ??????????, ??? ??? ? ??????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ?????? ??? ??????? ?????? ? ?????????? ???? ????? ???????? ??, ??? ? ?????????? ???? ??????? ? ?????? ?????? ???, ?? ?? ??? ???? ???, ????? ???????? ???? ?????. ? ????? ????????? ??? ???????? ???, ????????????? ? ?????, ??????? ????????? ???, ? ????, ??? ?? ??????? ?? ????. ???? ??? ?????? ???????? ???? ??????? ?????. "? ??????? ?? ??????? ????, ???????! ????? ??, ?????? ? ?? ?????? ???? ? ???? ????. " ?? ?? ?????? ??? ? ?????, ?? ???????? ????????. ??? ?????????? ??? ? ?????, ??????? ????????? ???? ???????. Cupped ??? ???? ? ????, ??????? ???, ????? ????????? ???? ???? ????? ? ????. ????????? ? ????? ????? ???????? ???? ???????. ????? ????????? ?????? ? ????????????? ??? ???? ?? ????, ??? ???? ???????? ? ????????. ????? ??????? ???? ???? ????????. ?? ??????, ????? ???? ?????? ?????????? ???????. ? ????? ?? ????, ?? ??????? ?? ???? ?????? ? ??????, ??? ????? ?????? ? ??????, "?? ????????". ????? ?? ?????, ??? ?? ?????, ???? ??????? ????. ??? ?? ??????? ?? ?? ?????? ???? ????? ??????, ?? ??? ??????. ? ?? ?????? ??? ???????????, ??? ???????. ? ??????????? ???, ?? ???????. ????? ? ????????, ?? ??????? ???, ? ????? ? ?????? ? ???? ?????, ??? ?????? ?? ????. ????? ????? ?????? ????? ??? ?????????, ??????? ???????? ????. ? ??? ????, ????????? ????????, ??? ?? ????? ????, ????? ??? ???? ?????? ?? ??? ? ???????, ??????? ???? ? ??????? ??? ????. ? ????????? ???????????, ??? ??? ????, ? ????? ??? ??????? ???, ? ?????????? ????? ????? ????????????. ????, ?????????, ????????????, ?????, ???? ? ?????? ??????. ??? ??? ????? ??????? ????. ??????? ????? ????? ?, ??????? ?????, ? ????? ????? ? ????????, ??? ?? ??????, ??? ?? ???. ????? ? ???????, ???????? ??????? ????. ? ??? ?? ????, ??? ?????? ? ??? ??????, ??? ????. ??????? ????????? ? ?????, ? ????? ? ??????? ? ???????? ???, ??? ???? ??? ????????????. ??? ???????? ??? ????? ??????? ? ??????, ???, ????? ????, ?? ?? ??? ???????????. ??? ???? ??? ?????, ??? ????? ??? ??????. ? ????? ? ???????, ? ??? ? ????? ???, ???????? ? ?????. ????? ?? ??????. ? ????? ???????? ? ?????? ?????. ??? ?? ????? ?? ????, ? ?? ????????? ?? ????? ? ?? ???? ??????, ????? ????. ???????. ?? ??? ???, ?????? ?? ???. ?????????, ??? ?? ?????????, ??????? ?? ????????. ?? ?????? ?????? ????? ?????, ? ????? ??????? ?????? ?????. "? ????, ??? ????? ????? ????", ?????? ??, ??? ????? ??? ????, ??? ??????. "?????? ?? ??????", ??????? ?. "????? ?????? ..." ??? ????? ???????. ? ??????? ? ???? ? ??? ????? ???, ????? ??? ????? ?????? ??? ????. ?? ????????? ?? ???? ? ??????? ?????????? ??????, ? ????? ?????? ?????. ??? ???? ???? ????? ???????, ?????? ?????. ????? ????, ?? ?? ?????, ????? ? ??????, ?? ??? ?????, ????? ?? ?????? ???. "?? ?? ? ???????, ??? ?? ???," ??????? ?, ?? ???? ?????? ?? ????. ?? ?????? ????? ? ?????????. ?? ?????? ??????? ????? ???? ?? ????, ??? ????? ??? ???? ???????? ?????? ?????? ????. ? ?????? ??????? ? ??? ????? ? ???, ??????? ???? ?? ?? ?????. ?? ?????? ???? ?? ????, ? ??? ? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ???? ????? ??????????. ? ????? ?????, ??? ?? ?????? ?????. ? ?? ??? ???????? ? ????????????. "? ????????? ???????", ?????? ?? ? ????? ?????????? ????????. ? ?????? ?????. "???, ?? ?? ??????. ?? ?????????? ????? ????????? ", ? ??????? ???????, ??????? ?????????? ????? ? ?????. ?? ?????????, ??????? ???????? ???? ??????? ??? ??????. "?? ?????? ????????? ???? ??? ???? ??????? ..." ? ?????, ??? ?? ?????????, ??? ????? ?? ????? ????????? ???, ??? ???????????. ??? ?????????? ???? ???????, ?? ?????? ?? ??????. ??? ???? ?????????? ?? ?????????, ????? ???????, ??????? ??????? ???? ???????. "??? ?????????", ?????? ??, ?????? ????? ??? ????? ?????. "??????? ?? ???????? ????, ????? ????????? ???????? ?? ???," ??????? ?. ?? ?? ???????. ??? ???????? ???? ???????. ???????????? ???, ??????? ?? ????? ????????, ??? ??????? ?? ??? ???????. "? ???????? ????? ??????", ?????? ??, ????? ??????? ??????? ? ??????. ????? ???????????. "? ???? ?????, ?????????? ????? ? ???? ??????". ??? ??? ????? ????? ????????, ????? ? ?????, ??? ?? ???? ? ????. ?? ??????, ?????? ?????? ??? ??????. ? ??? ?????????, ??? ????. ? ??? ??? ?? ??????? ????? ???? ??? ?? ?????. ? ??????? ?????? ????? ?? ????, ????? ? ?????? ???. ??? ???? ???? ??? ?????, ?, ?????????????, ????? ???? ?????. ? ?? ????? ?? ? ??? ?????? ???? ????. ? ?????? ??? ????? ?? ????????, ???, ????? ? ????? ????? ?????. ? ?? ???? ??????????? ???? ????? ??? ????. ?? ????????? ???? ?? ????? ?????, ??? ????? ? ????????. ??????, ?????, ????????, ? ?.?.. ?????? ???? ?????? ???, ?? ??? ????? ????????? ???????. ? ???? ??? ????????? ???????????, ??? ? ??????, ? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??? ??????? ? ???????? ?????????. ?????? ???? ?????? ???????? ???? ??????, ??? ?????? ? ?????? ???, ????????? ?????? ?? ??? ??? ????, ?, ????????? ? ?????? ???. ????? ?? ???????? ?????, ????? ?????? ?? ?????????? ????? ????. ??? ???? ????? ??? ? ??????, ?? ??? ??? xingávamos ???? ?????, ???????? ? ??? ???? ? ??????, ? ?? ???? ????????? ??? ?????? ???????????? ?????. ??? ???? ??????? ?????? ??? ?? ????, ????????? ??? ????????? ? ?? ????? ??? ?? ???. ? ??????????, ??? ? ???? ??? ??????????? ????. ?? ?????? ?? ????, ?? ? ?? ????. ????????, ??? ?? ???? ??????? ????? ??? ????. ? ?????, ??? ?? ???? "????????" ????????. ???????, ????? ????, ??? ? ?????????? ???????? ??????, ??????? ?? ???????, ?? ???????????, ????????? ?? ???? ? ?????????, ????? ????? ? ?????????, ??? ? ?????? ???. "???", ? ??????? ??????????. "? ???? ??????? ?? ???, ??? ?? ?." ? ?????????? ? ?????, ? ??????, ??? ???? ??? ???????? ? ???????, ? ??????????, ??? ??? ?????? ????????? ? ?????? ????? ? ??????. ?? ????????? ???? ? ??????? ?????? ?? ??? ??????. ?? ????????? ? ??? ????????? ? ????????. ? ????? ???? ?????-?? ????. ????? ? ??????? ???, ??? ?????? ????????. ?? ???? ??? ????????, ??? ??? ??????????? ??? ???????. ? ????? ????? ? ???, ???????? ? ???, ?? ????????? ??????. ? ??????? ? ??? ? ????? ?? ?????? ????????, ????? ?? ??????? ????. "?? ?????????, ????? ?? ??????? ??????," ?????? ??, ????????. ?? ????, ??? ?? ??????? ??? ?????? ?????? ?? ???????, ??? ?? ???????. ? ??????? ???? ? ?????? ?????????? ???. ?? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ? ???? ??, ????????? ?????????? ?????, ??? ???. ? ????????? ?? ? ???, ????? ?? ????. ?? ?????????. ?? ???????? ???? ????? ??? ?????, ?, ???? ??? ?? ????????, ??? ????? ??????, ?? ?????? ??? ?? ???. ????? ?? ?????? ????? ... ? ??????? ?? ?????? ??. ?? ???? ? ?? ???? ? ???? ?? ?????. ???????? ??????, ? ????, ?? ??? ???? ??? ?? ????. ??? ????, ??? ????? ? ??????? ? ??????? ????, ? ?? ??? ? ???????? ???. ? ????, ??? ?? ??? ???????? ? ???? ?????, ? ? ??? ???????? ????. ??? ???? ?????? ??? ????, ????? ????????? ??, ?? ?????? ?? ??? ????? ??????? ?? ???????. ? ????? ???? ?????????? ????, ??? ??? ??????, ? ?????? ??????? ???? ? ?? ??: «??? ?? ?? ?? ???, ?? ???? ? ????????? ?? ????, ? ???? ?????? ????? ????? ???? ? ??????? ???, ??? ??? ?????? ???? ???????. ? ????????, ??? ?? ??? ??? ?? ???, ? ??? ????? ?????? ".
Byl moment, kogda ya veril vo vsem. V lezhit v obeshchaniya naznacheniya sdelali sami, padayushchiye zvezdy, ot udachi i sluchaynosti. No chelovek, kotoryy izmenil menya. Izmenili to, chto ya dumal obo vsem moyem videnii mira. Izmenil svoi plany, svoi printsipy i istiny, moi zhelaniya i zhelaniya. Izmenila moyu zhizn', izmenila menya. YA veril, chto my delali to, chto my khoteli, no ya uznal, chto nichto ne yavlyayetsya sluchaynost'yu. Vse proiskhodit po kakoy-to prichine. On byl obychnym chelovekom v samom nachale. Eto bylo ne vazhno, ne bylo neobkhodimosti, no vse izmenilos', i, vozmozhno, samoye luchsheye, chto kogda-libo sluchalos' so mnoy ... YA proshel mimo nego na ulitse ili v drugom meste i tol'ko privetstvoval obrazovaniye. Eto bylo pochti kazhdyy den', pochti v kazhdom meste, ya uzhe privykla k yego prisutstviyu. Tak nachinayetsya druzhba, no eto byl yeshche ne konets. Yest' na nashikh rukakh, a prostoy zhest lyubvi, ono bylo obshchim dlya nas. Okhvatili nas bez zloby. My govorili o vse i vsya. My posetili dom odnogo druga, vsegda. Vse kommentarii i nedoumeniye, no my ne zabotilis'. Odnazhdy, posle mnogikh razgovorov, on sprosil menya, chto nikogda ne prosil. Mne bylo strashno, a ne s voprosom, no s tem, kak sprosil. On imel obyknoveniye govorit' vpolgolosa, no prosheptal vopros, s opushchennoy golovoy, i imel privychku smotret' v glaza cheloveku, s kotorym on besedoval, kem by ona ni byla. On sprosil menya, yesli ya kogda-libo lyubil nikogo. Eto bylo stranno, potomu chto ne bylo nichego, chto on ne znal obo mne, podumal ya. Nesmotrya na to, oglushen, moy otvet byl iskrennim i zastenchivy. "Net", skazal ya, nablyudaya, kak yego litso. On stonal, chego ya ne ponimayu. YA smotrel neskol'ko dolgikh minut. YA khotel, chtoby izobrazheniye, chtoby ostat'sya navsegda v moyey pamyati. Kogda ya smotrel na nego, kak eto? Kogda ya iskal nedostatki v nem, tak i ne nashli? Pochemu ya nikogda ne zamechal, chto u nego rodinka na podborodke, vesnushki yasno, forma rta ili smes' zelenogo i karameli glaza byli? Kak nikogda ya ne zamechal yeye krasoty? Eto bylo krasivo. Udivitel'nyye i nelepo krasivo. Khotel ostat'sya tam navsegda, glyadya yemu v yasnom svete sumerek. Yeye shcheki vspykhnuli, i ya ponyal, chto molchaniye bylo uzhe nelovko. Trudno bylo uyti, no ya byl. Kogda ya vernulsya domoy toy noch'yu, ya podnyalsya po lestnitse bez kolebaniy v dver' i poshel pryamo v nomer. Pogruzhennyy v svoi mysli, lezha v posteli, utknuvshis' litsom v podushku. Chto so mnoy proiskhodit? YA chuvstvoval potrebnost' uslyshat' otvet ot kogo-to. Moy luchshiy drug, mozhet byt'. YA skhvatila telefon i nabrala nomer, bez kolebaniy. On otvetil bystro, khriplo. YA nichego ne skazal. Chto-to v yego golose mne zamorozili. On nichego ne skazal. Po zvuku molchaniya ya slyshal, eto byl nelovko. YA pochti slyshal yego mysli, vmeste s vashim dykhaniyem. YA khotel sprosit' tysyachu i odnu veshch', no komok v gorle. Cherez neskol'ko minut, mne udalos' govorit'. "Kak yest' lyubov'", ya shepotom sprosil slabym i khriplym. Eto bylo nemnogo stranno, chtoby sprosit'. Zhestokim i boleznennym tishina povisla v vozdukhe. YA khotel verit', chto zvuk, kotoryy narushil tishinu, byl zvuk yeye slez. Nekotoryye drugiye momenty molchaniye. "YA slyshal, chto eto stranno. I eto na samom dele ... "nachal on. YA zhdal. "YA slyshal, chto vy teryayete zemlyu, eto kak yesli by otkrylas' bezdna pod nogami ...", dobavil on. Kazalos', teper' bezopasneye. "I tak," sprosil ya. "So mnoy vse bylo inache. Eto bylo, kak budto v pervyy raz, pol byl tam. Kak ya uzhe znal, chto mozhno khodit' bez nichego svergnut' menya. "YA byl v shoke, ne mogu skazat' mnogo. "Kto ona?" Pozhalel, chto sprosil. On izdal tyazhelyy vzdokh. YA chuvstvovala yego bol'. U nas byla kakaya-to svyaz'. Yesli on stradayet, ya tozhe postradali, i naoborot. Ne udalos' izbezhat'. Molchaniye. Opyat' zhe. Odno dykhaniye i ponyal, chto on ne otvetil. Nakonets, on povesil trubku. Moi koleni podognulis', i slezy tekli po moyemu litsu. YA ne pytalsya kontrolirovat', prosto vernulsya v krovat' i obnyal moyu podushku. YA ponyal togda, chto eto ne bylo podushki, ya chuvstvoval potrebnost' obnyat'. YA ponyatiya ne imel, chto proiskhodit so mnoy. YA khotel by imet' yego vokrug, chtoby on mog obnyat' menya i komforta, s intensivnost'yu, chto nikogda ne khotel ran'she. YA byla vlyublena, no nikogda ne byla sil'noy, chto on zastavil menya plakat'. Zhelaniye imet' yego s soboy, pochti zastavil menya vstat' i nemedlenno idti za nim. A potom ya zasnul. Na drugoy den' ya prosnulsya s temnymi krugami glubokim i tyazhelym. My dogovorilis', chto my by uvideli v tot den', kak obychno. YA byla tak schastliva, tak rada s mysl'yu, chto oni budut videt' yego snova, provedya chasy pered zerkalom, ya dumal, chto eto bylo deystvitel'no krasivo. No on ne poyavlyalsya. YA zhdal v techeniye neskol'kikh minut. Nichego on pribyl. YA ne mog poverit', chto on ne byl tam. Mog tol'ko dumat', chto chto-to sluchilos'. On by ne zabyl, ni sdelat', chtoby prichinit' mne bol'. YA pozvonil yemu. On ne otvetil. YA uzhe nachal bespokoit'sya menya, poetomu ya pozvonil v yego dome. Na eto mat' yego skazala mne, chto on pokinul neskol'ko chasov nazad, nervnoy i, ne skazav, kuda on idet. Byli tol'ko dva mesta, kuda on poshel, kogda on nervnichal. V moy dom ili zabroshennoye zdaniye, gde on lyubil khodit' i dumat'. Yesli by eto byl ne ya, eto kak raz mozhet byt' tam. YA poshel tuda, ne dumaya o drugikh gipotez. Kogda ya pribyl, ya pochuvstvoval oblegcheniye, chtoby nayti yego. On lezhal na spine i ne videl menya. YA khotel protyanut' ruku i sprosit', chto proiskhodit, no nichego ne skazala, prosto stoyala i smotrela na nego. On vstal, povernulsya ko mne. Yego glaza byli polny slez. Bylo pochti nevozmozhno kontrolirovat' zhelaniye vybezhat' i obnyat' yego. Kogda ya sdelal neskol'ko shagov vpered, on podnyal pravuyu ruku, kak budto prosit menya ostanovit', a zatem ostanovilsya. "My bol'she ne mozhem videt'", prosheptal on tak tikho, chto trudno bylo uslyshat'. Mozhet byt', eto bylo trudno, potomu chto ya ne khochu slyshat'. Proshlo neskol'ko dolgikh minut, chtoby perevarit' eti slova i to, kak on skazal golosom kholodnym i grubym. "Vy ne uvidite menya bol'she. YA obeshchayu ", prodolzhil on, s tem zhe tonom. «Net! Pozhaluysta, net! ", Popytalas' zakrichat', no glyba, kotoraya, obrazovavshiysya v gorle pomeshala moim golosom vyshel v golos, kotoryy ya khotel. Vystrel k nemu, okutyvaya yego na ruki tak sil'no, kak tol'ko mog. YA plakal. On nichego ne skazal, i ya by vse otdala, chtoby znat', chto on dumayet. "Pozhaluysta, ne delay etogo", khriplo prosheptal on, tyazhelyye rydaniya. YA ponyatiya ne imel, chto on imel v vidu, no mne bylo vse ravno, nezavisimo ot ikh namereniy. YA ne ottolknut' yego. Zatem yego koleni podognulis', i on upal na zemlyu u moikh nog. "Skazhi mne, chto sluchilos', ya khochu pomoch', pozhaluysta, pozvol'te mne pomoch' vam", skazal ya spokoyno, no on uslyshal. On ne otvechal mne, i byl vse vremya plachet. "Mne nuzhno, chtoby ty skazal mne:" YA nastoyal na svoyem. On stoyal s bol'shim usiliyem, posmotrel mne v glaza i derzhal moi ruki plotno. Proshlo neskol'ko minut, prezhde chem zagovorit'. Moye serdtse ostanovilos' na mgnoveniye, zatem uskorilsya otchayanno. Yesli serdtse nachinayet izluchat' zvuk, ya dumayu, chto eto zvuk. Slova, kotoryye posledovali, kak zvuk razbitogo stekla ekhom v moyey golove. "YA ..." on kolebalsya v techeniye neskol'kikh sekund "... lyublyu tebya. Eto vy, ya vse yeshche zhiv, no ya dumayu, chto eto uzhe dovol'no ochevidno. YA proshu, chtoby vashi luchshiye, uyti ot menya. " Kogda-nibud' chuvstvovali, kak budto u nego bylo mnogo o chem pogovorit' i vse zhe ona nichego ne mogla skazat'? YA khorosho. Nedoumenii. Paralizovan. Nedvizhimost'. Tak bylo mne, chto lyubit? S kakikh por? Kakim obrazom? On, kazalos', ponyal moi mysli, kak bystro otvetili. "YA ne znayu, kak i kogda eto proizoshlo, no eto proizoshlo, i teper' ya zdes', ya vse boleye aktivnoye uchastiye v etom i proshu vas uyti ot menya. Eto budet luchshe dlya vas. " Pochemu? Pochemu on govorit? YA vdokhnul i vydokhnul neskol'ko raz, chtoby uspokoit'sya. Bezrezul'tatno. "Vy zhe ne khotite etogo ... Otoydi ot menya. Vy zhe ne khotite ... ", mog, nakonets, slovo. Eto byl ne vopros. On otvernulsya, ne v silakh smotret' mne v glaza. "Net ..." prosheptala ona. "... A mozhet byt', eto moy mazokhistskiye storony". YA ne khotela, chtoby on chuvstvoval, chto put', khotel chto-to sdelat', chtoby polozhit' konets yego bol'. Pochemu ya chuvstvoval, chto beg i pryzhki, chto zdaniye? Pochemu moye serdtse tak bol'no? Pochemu ya chuvstvoval sebya takim obrazom? To, chto ya chuvstvoval sebya voobshche? YA krepko obnyala yego, no on izo vsekh sil, chtoby oslabit' moikh rukakh. YA khotel sokhranit' yego navsegda tam, raspolozhennyy v grudi, pytayas' uspokoit' yego, i zhal', chto on nikogda ne ushel. Ideya yego ot"yezd zastavil menya plakat' snova. "YA nikogda ne ostavlyu tebya, nikogda! Poymi ty, idiot? YA ne otpushchu tebya v etom rode. " On ne sdelal eto v shutku, no perestal borot'sya. Ona posmotrela mne v glaza, kotoryye zastavili menya drozhat'. Cupped moye litso v ruki, gladit' yego, potom priblizil svoye litso blizhe k moyey. Svyazhites' s nashey shkury zastavil menya drozhat'. Cherez neskol'ko sekund ya pochuvstvovala yego guby na moikh, oni byli goryachimi i sladkimi. Samyy sladkiy vkus vsekh potseluyev. Ne khotela, chtoby etot moment zakonchitsya nikogda. I kogda on ushel, on vydavil iz sebya ulybku i skazal, yego golos tonkiy i nizkiy, "do svidaniya". Davno ne videl, kak on vyshel, nogi derzhali menya. Chto my delali? My ne dolzhny byli etogo delat', ne byl uveren. YA ne dolzhen byl ponravilos', chto potseluy. V posleduyushchiye dni, ne govoril. Kogda ya pozvonil, on otvetil mne, i kogda ya prishel k nemu domoy, tam nikogo ne bylo. Pochti cherez nedelyu posle yego priznaniyu, novost' potryasla menya. YA byl doma, zadavayas' voprosom, gde on mozhet byt', kogda moya mat' prishla ko mne s glazami, polnymi slez i vneshniy vid boli. YA popytalsya predstavit', chto eto bylo, i kogda ona skazala mne, ya chuvstvoval mnogo veshchey odnovremenno. Bol', udivleniye, bespokoystvo, toska, bol' i mnogoye drugoye. Eto byl ochen' sil'nyy udar. Vystrel cherez dver' i, nedolgo dumaya, ya poshel pryamo v bol'nitsu, gde yey skazal, chto on byl. Kogda ya priyekhal, otchayaniya okhvatil menya. YA uzhe ne znal, chto dumat' i chto delat', yeshche yest'. Pytayas' sovladat' s soboy, ya poshel v resepshn i poprosil yego, dav svoye imya registratora. Ona pokazala mne nomer komnaty i skazal, chto, mozhet byt', on ne mog vstrechat'sya. Mne bylo vse ravno, mne nuzhno yego videt'. YA iskal v komnate, i tak ya nashel yego, postuchal v dver'. Nikto ne otkryl. YA snova postuchal i otkryl dver'. Tem ne meneye ne idti, ya ne posmotrel na nomer i ne bylo nikogo, krome nego. Vstupil. On byl tam, spinoy ko mne. Nadeyalas', chto on prosnulsya, poetomu on pereyekhal. On brosil vzglyad cherez plecho, a zatem opustil golovu snova. "YA znal, chto skoro nayti menya", skazal on, yego golos byl nizhe, chem obychno. "Pochemu ty zdes'?", Sprosil ya. "Mnogo prichin ..." Yego golos drognul. YA podoshel k nemu i sel pered ney, chtoby ona mogla videt' yego litso. On posmotrel na menya v techeniye neskol'kikh sekund, a zatem zakryl glaza. Yego telo bylo polno sinyakov, temnyye pyatna. Mozhet byt', on ne khotel, chtoby ya skazal, no mne nuzhno, chtoby on skazal mne. "Ty ne v poryadke, eto ne tak," sprosil ya, ne znaya otveta ne bylo. On otkryl glaza i ulybnulsya. Yeye ulybka ozarila takoy zhare na menya, kak budto eto bylo zhiznenno vazhnoy chast'yu menya. YA oboshel krovat' i leg ryadom s ney, polozhiv ruku na yeye talii. On derzhal menya za ruku, i tak ya ponyal, chto yego kozha byla ochen' prokhladnoy. YA videl takzhe, chto on tyazhelo dyshal. YA ne mog poverit' v proiskhodyashcheye. "YA sobirayus' umeret'", skazal on v golos sovershenno kholodnym. YA plakal snova. "Net, vy ne budete. Ne pozvolyayte etomu sluchit'sya ", ya pytalsya skazat', pytayas' proglotit' komok v gorle. On zasmeyalsya, kotoryy zastavil menya plakat' yeshche bol'she. "Vy dolzhny nauchit'sya zhit' bez menya devochka ..." YA ponyal, chto on ulybayetsya, kak budto on nashel blagodat' vse, chto proiskhodilo. Eto razdrazhalo menya nemnogo, no nichego ne skazal. Yego telo napryaglos' na mgnoveniye, zatem pokachal, kotoryy ispugal menya nemnogo. "Eto normal'no", skazal on, slovno chitaya moi mysli snova. "Poetomu ty poprosil menya, chtoby derzhat'sya podal'she ot vas," sprosil ya. On ne otvetil. Yego molchaniye bylo nelovko. Yedinstvennyy shum, kotoryy my mogli uslyshat', byl apparat na yego storone. "YA ostavlyayu zdes' zavtra", skazal on, posle dolgogo vremeni v tishine. Pochti pogoryachilsya. "YA khochu domoy, nakhodit'sya ryadom s moyey sem'yey". Eto byl konets moyego soznaniya, kogda ya ponyal, chto on imel v vidu. Ne vopros, prosto obnyala yego krepche. I tak sledovalo, chto den'. YA tam byl do nemnogo posle togo kak on usnul. YA plakala prosto glyadya na nego, mysl' o potere yego. Yego mat' byla tam takzhe, i, sledovatel'no, mozhet idti domoy. YA ne dumal ni o chem drugom ves' den'. YA tol'ko chto vyshel iz bol'nitsy, chto, kogda ya poshel domoy noch'yu. YA ne mogu predstavit' svoyu zhizn' bez nego. Na sleduyushchiy den' on poshel domoy, vse poshli v bol'nitsu. Druz'ya, sem'ya, znakomyye, i t.d.. Mnogiye lyudi lyubili yego, on byl ochen' osobennyy chelovek. U nego byl nebol'shoy zatrudneniy, idya k mashine, a yego mat' byla na yego storone v kachestve podderzhki. Smotrya etot epizod zastavil menya ponyat', kak sil'no ya lyubila yego, naskol'ko vazhnym on byl dlya menya, i, naskol'ko ya khotela yego. Kogda on vernulsya domoy, pochti nichego ne izmenilos' mezhdu nami. Eto bylo pochti kak i ran'she, my vse yeshche xingávamos drug druga, obsuzhdaya o yego vkus v muzyke, i on dazhe kritikuyut moi volosy okhvatyvayushchikh glaza. Eto bylo priyatno videt' yego so mnoy, zastavit' yego ulybat'sya v to vremya kak on mog. YA chuvstvoval, chto u menya byl pozhiznennyy srok. Ne tol'ko ot nego, no i ot moikh. Kazalos', chto ne bylo nikakoy zhizni bez nego. YA dumayu, chto my byli "vedushchimi" situatsiyu. Odnazhdy, posle togo, kak ya kritikoval dovol'no muzyka, kotoruyu on slushayet, on ostanovilsya, posmotrel na menya i ulybnulsya, kogda noch'yu ya obnaruzhil, chto ya lyubila yego. "Chto", ya sprosil ogranicheny. "YA budu skuchat' po vam, gde by ya." YA ulybnulas' v otvet, i bol'she, chem bylo uzhe privykayu k ??slezy, ya chuvstvoval, chto moye serdtse szhimayetsya s kazhdym slezy ya prolil. Na sleduyushcheye utro ya poluchil zvonok ot yego materi. On ukhudshilsya i byl dostavlen v bol'nitsu. YA poshel tuda kogda-to znal. Kogda ya uvidela yego, moye serdtse zabilos'. On yedva mog govorit', tak chto potrebovalo yego usiliyam. YA sidel ryadom s nim, govorit' s nim, ne dozhidayas' otveta. YA govoril s nim o veshchakh iz nashego proshlogo, kogda on prerval menya. "Ty prekrasna, kogda vy derzhite volosy," skazal on, ulybayas'. On znal, chto on zametil moi volosy prosto ne ozhidala, chto on govoril. YA podavil smekh i prosto ulybnulas' yemu. On derzhal menya za ruku i szhal yeye, ispol'zuya naibol'shey siloy, chto mog. YA potseloval yeye v lob, potom yeye guby. On ulybnulsya. On poprosil menya spet' yemu pesnyu, i, khotya mne ne nravitsya, chto stil' muzyki, on shepnul yemu na ukho. Potom on zakryl glaza ... i nikogda ne otkryl ikh. On umer v tu noch' u menya na rukakh. Vyglyadit uzhasno, ya znayu, no dlya menya eto ne bylo. Eto bylo, kak budto ya kachalsya v techeniye nochi, i on byl v glubokom sne. YA znayu, chto on byl schastliv v moikh rukakh, i ya byl schastliv tozhe. Eto bylo trudno dlya menya, chtoby otpustit' yeye, no teper' on kak budto nikogda ne pokidal. I kogda lyudi sprashivayut menya, gde moya lyubov', ya vsegda otvechayu odno i to zhe: «Gde by on ni byl, on zhdet i nablyudayet za mnoy, i nasha lyubov' budet vechno zhit' v serdtsakh tekh, kto byl chast'yu etoy istorii. YA chuvstvuyu, chto on vse yeshche vo mne, i tak budet vsegda ". ??? ??????, ????? ? ????? ?? ????. ? ????? ? ???????? ?????????? ??????? ????, ???????? ??????, ?? ????? ? ???????????. ?? ???????, ??????? ??????? ????. ???????? ??, ??? ? ????? ??? ???? ???? ??????? ????. ??????? ???? ?????, ???? ???????? ? ??????, ??? ??????? ? ???????. ???????? ??? ?????, ???????? ????. ? ?????, ??? ?? ?????? ??, ??? ?? ??????, ?? ? ?????, ??? ????? ?? ???????? ????????????. ??? ?????????? ?? ?????-?? ???????. ?? ??? ??????? ????????? ? ????? ??????. ??? ???? ?? ?????, ?? ???? ?????????????, ?? ??? ??????????, ?, ????????, ????? ??????, ??? ?????-???? ????????? ?? ???? ... ? ?????? ???? ???? ?? ????? ??? ? ?????? ????? ? ?????? ????????????? ???????????. ??? ???? ????? ?????? ????, ????? ? ?????? ?????, ? ??? ???????? ? ??? ???????????. ??? ?????????? ??????, ?? ??? ??? ??? ?? ?????. ???? ?? ????? ?????, ? ??????? ???? ?????, ??? ???? ????? ??? ???. ???????? ??? ??? ?????. ?? ???????? ? ??? ? ???. ?? ???????? ??? ?????? ?????, ??????. ??? ??????????? ? ??????????, ?? ?? ?? ??????????. ???????, ????? ?????? ??????????, ?? ??????? ????, ??? ??????? ?? ??????. ??? ???? ???????, ? ?? ? ????????, ?? ? ???, ??? ???????. ?? ???? ??????????? ???????? ??????????, ?? ????????? ??????, ? ????????? ???????, ? ???? ???????? ???????? ? ????? ????????, ? ??????? ?? ?????????, ??? ?? ??? ?? ????. ?? ??????? ????, ???? ? ?????-???? ????? ??????. ??? ???? ???????, ?????? ??? ?? ???? ??????, ??? ?? ?? ???? ??? ???, ??????? ?. ???????? ?? ??, ???????, ??? ????? ??? ????????? ? ??????????. "???", ?????? ?, ????????, ??? ??? ????. ?? ??????, ???? ? ?? ???????. ? ??????? ????????? ?????? ?????. ? ?????, ????? ???????????, ????? ???????? ???????? ? ???? ??????. ????? ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ???? ????? ? ????? ?????????? ? ???, ??? ? ?? ?????? ?????? ? ??????? ?? ???????, ??? ? ???? ??????? ?? ??????????, ???????? ????, ????? ??? ??? ????? ???????? ? ???????? ????? ????? ??? ??????? ? ?? ??????? ?? ???????? ??? ???? ???????. ???????????? ? ?????? ???????. ????? ???????? ??? ????????, ????? ??? ? ????? ????? ???????. ?? ???? ?????????, ? ? ?????, ??? ???????? ???? ??? ???????. ?????? ???? ????, ?? ? ???. ????? ? ???????? ????? ??? ?????, ? ???????? ?? ???????? ??? ????????? ? ????? ? ????? ????? ? ?????. ??????????? ? ???? ?????, ???? ? ???????, ?????????? ????? ? ???????. ??? ?? ???? ??????????? ? ?????????? ??????????? ???????? ????? ?? ????-??. ??? ?????? ????, ????? ????. ? ???????? ??????? ? ??????? ?????, ??? ?????????. ?? ??????? ??????, ??????. ? ?????? ?? ??????. ???-?? ? ??? ?????? ??? ??????????. ?? ?????? ?? ??????. ?? ????? ???????? ? ??????, ??? ??? ???????. ? ????? ?????? ??? ?????, ?????? ? ????? ????????. ? ????? ???????? ?????? ? ???? ????, ?? ????? ? ?????. ????? ????????? ?????, ??? ??????? ????????. "??? ???? ??????", ? ??????? ??????? ?????? ? ???????. ??? ???? ??????? ???????, ????? ????????. ???????? ? ??????????? ?????? ??????? ? ???????. ? ????? ??????, ??? ????, ??????? ??????? ??????, ??? ???? ?? ????. ????????? ?????? ??????? ????????. "? ??????, ??? ??? ???????. ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ... "????? ??. ? ????. "? ??????, ??? ?? ??????? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ?? ????????? ?????? ??? ?????? ...", ??????? ??. ????????, ?????? ??????????. "? ???," ??????? ?. "?? ???? ??? ???? ?????. ??? ????, ??? ????? ? ?????? ???, ??? ??? ???. ??? ? ??? ????, ??? ????? ?????? ??? ?????? ????????? ????. "? ??? ? ????, ?? ???? ??????? ?????. "??? ????" ???????, ??? ???????. ?? ????? ??????? ?????. ? ??????????? ??? ????. ? ??? ???? ?????-?? ?????. ???? ?? ????????, ? ???? ??????????, ? ????????. ?? ??????? ????????. ????????. ????? ??. ???? ??????? ? ?????, ??? ?? ?? ???????. ???????, ?? ??????? ??????. ??? ?????? ???????????, ? ????? ????? ?? ????? ????. ? ?? ??????? ??????????????, ?????? ???????? ? ??????? ? ????? ??? ???????. ? ????? ?????, ??? ??? ?? ???? ???????, ? ?????????? ??????????? ??????. ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ?????????? ?? ????. ? ????? ?? ????? ??? ??????, ????? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ? ????????, ? ??????????????, ??? ??????? ?? ????? ??????. ? ???? ????????, ?? ??????? ?? ???? ???????, ??? ?? ???????? ???? ???????. ??????? ????? ??? ? ?????, ????? ???????? ???? ?????? ? ?????????? ???? ?? ???. ? ????? ? ??????. ?? ?????? ???? ? ????????? ? ??????? ??????? ???????? ? ???????. ?? ????????????, ??? ?? ?? ??????? ? ??? ????, ??? ??????. ? ???? ??? ?????????, ??? ???? ? ??????, ??? ??? ????? ?????? ??? ?????, ??????? ???? ????? ????????, ? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ????????????? ???????. ?? ?? ?? ?????????. ? ???? ? ??????? ?????????? ?????. ?????? ?? ??????. ? ?? ??? ????????, ??? ?? ?? ??? ???. ??? ?????? ??????, ??? ???-?? ?????????. ?? ?? ?? ?????, ?? ???????, ????? ????????? ??? ????. ? ???????? ???. ?? ?? ???????. ? ??? ????? ???????????? ????, ??????? ? ???????? ? ??? ????. ?? ??? ???? ??? ??????? ???, ??? ?? ??????? ????????? ????? ?????, ??????? ?, ?? ??????, ???? ?? ????. ???? ?????? ??? ?????, ???? ?? ?????, ????? ?? ?????????. ? ??? ??? ??? ??????????? ??????, ??? ?? ????? ?????? ? ??????. ???? ?? ??? ??? ?? ?, ??? ??? ??? ????? ???? ???. ? ????? ????, ?? ????? ? ?????? ???????. ????? ? ??????, ? ???????????? ??????????, ????? ????? ???. ?? ????? ?? ????? ? ?? ????? ????. ? ????? ????????? ???? ? ????????, ??? ??????????, ?? ?????? ?? ???????, ?????? ?????? ? ???????? ?? ????. ?? ?????, ?????????? ?? ???. ??? ????? ???? ????? ????. ???? ????? ?????????? ?????????????? ??????? ???????? ? ?????? ???. ????? ? ?????? ????????? ????? ??????, ?? ?????? ?????? ????, ??? ????? ?????? ???? ??????????, ? ????? ???????????. "?? ?????? ?? ????? ??????", ????????? ?? ??? ????, ??? ?????? ???? ????????. ????? ????, ??? ???? ??????, ?????? ??? ? ?? ???? ???????. ?????? ????????? ?????? ?????, ????? ?????????? ??? ????? ? ??, ??? ?? ?????? ??????? ???????? ? ??????. "?? ?? ??????? ???? ??????. ? ?????? ", ????????? ??, ? ??? ?? ?????. «???! ??????????, ???! ", ?????????? ?????????, ?? ?????, ???????, ?????????????? ? ????? ???????? ???? ??????? ????? ? ?????, ??????? ? ?????. ??????? ? ????, ???????? ??? ?? ???? ??? ??????, ??? ?????? ???. ? ??????. ?? ?????? ?? ??????, ? ? ?? ??? ??????, ????? ?????, ??? ?? ??????. "??????????, ?? ????? ?????", ?????? ????????? ??, ??????? ???????. ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ?? ???? ? ????, ?? ??? ???? ??? ?????, ?????????? ?? ?? ?????????. ? ?? ?????????? ???. ????? ??? ?????? ???????????, ? ?? ???? ?? ????? ? ???? ???. "????? ???, ??? ?????????, ? ???? ??????, ??????????, ????????? ??? ?????? ???", ?????? ? ????????, ?? ?? ???????. ?? ?? ??????? ???, ? ??? ??? ????? ??????. "??? ?????, ????? ?? ?????? ???:" ? ??????? ?? ?????. ?? ????? ? ??????? ???????, ????????? ??? ? ????? ? ?????? ??? ???? ??????. ?????? ????????? ?????, ?????? ??? ??????????. ??? ?????? ???????????? ?? ?????????, ????? ????????? ????????. ???? ?????? ???????? ???????? ????, ? ?????, ??? ??? ????. ?????, ??????? ???????????, ??? ???? ????????? ?????? ???? ? ???? ??????. "? ..." ?? ????????? ? ??????? ?????????? ?????? "... ????? ????. ??? ??, ? ??? ??? ???, ?? ? ?????, ??? ??? ??? ???????? ????????. ? ?????, ????? ???? ??????, ???? ?? ????. " ?????-?????? ???????????, ??? ????? ? ???? ???? ????? ? ??? ?????????? ? ??? ?? ??? ?????? ?? ????? ???????? ? ??????. ??????????. ???????????. ????????????. ??? ???? ???, ??? ?????? ? ????? ???? ????? ???????? ??, ????????, ????? ??? ?????, ??? ?????? ????????. "? ?? ????, ??? ? ????? ??? ?????????, ?? ??? ?????????, ? ?????? ? ?????, ? ??? ????? ???????? ??????? ? ???? ? ????? ??? ???? ?? ????. ??? ????? ????? ??? ???. " ??????? ?????? ?? ???????? ? ??????? ? ???????? ????????? ???, ????? ???????????. ??????????????. "?? ?? ?? ?????? ????? ... ?????? ?? ????. ?? ?? ?? ?????? ... ", ???, ???????, ?????. ??? ??? ?? ??????. ?? ??????????, ?? ? ????? ???????? ??? ? ?????. "??? ..." ?????????? ???. "... ? ????? ????, ??? ??? ???????????? ???????". ? ?? ??????, ????? ?? ??????????, ??? ????, ????? ???-?? ???????, ????? ???????? ????? ??? ????. ?????? ? ??????????, ??? ??? ? ??????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ?????? ??? ??????? ?????? ? ?????????? ???? ????? ???????? ??, ??? ? ?????????? ???? ??????? ? ?????? ?????? ???, ?? ?? ??? ???? ???, ????? ???????? ???? ?????. ? ????? ????????? ??? ???????? ???, ????????????? ? ?????, ??????? ????????? ???, ? ????, ??? ?? ??????? ?? ????. ???? ??? ?????? ???????? ???? ??????? ?????. "? ??????? ?? ??????? ????, ???????! ????? ??, ?????? ? ?? ?????? ???? ? ???? ????. " ?? ?? ?????? ??? ? ?????, ?? ???????? ????????. ??? ?????????? ??? ? ?????, ??????? ????????? ???? ???????. Cupped ??? ???? ? ????, ??????? ???, ????? ????????? ???? ???? ????? ? ????. ????????? ? ????? ????? ???????? ???? ???????. ????? ????????? ?????? ? ????????????? ??? ???? ?? ????, ??? ???? ???????? ? ????????. ????? ??????? ???? ???? ????????. ?? ??????, ????? ???? ?????? ?????????? ???????. ? ????? ?? ????, ?? ??????? ?? ???? ?????? ? ??????, ??? ????? ?????? ? ??????, "?? ????????". ????? ?? ?????, ??? ?? ?????, ???? ??????? ????. ??? ?? ??????? ?? ?? ?????? ???? ????? ??????, ?? ??? ??????. ? ?? ?????? ??? ???????????, ??? ???????. ? ??????????? ???, ?? ???????. ????? ? ????????, ?? ??????? ???, ? ????? ? ?????? ? ???? ?????, ??? ?????? ?? ????. ????? ????? ?????? ????? ??? ?????????, ??????? ???????? ????. ? ??? ????, ????????? ????????, ??? ?? ????? ????, ????? ??? ???? ?????? ?? ??? ? ???????, ??????? ???? ? ??????? ??? ????. ? ????????? ???????????, ??? ??? ????, ? ????? ??? ??????? ???, ? ?????????? ????? ????? ????????????. ????, ?????????, ????????????, ?????, ???? ? ?????? ??????. ??? ??? ????? ??????? ????. ??????? ????? ????? ?, ??????? ?????, ? ????? ????? ? ????????, ??? ?? ??????, ??? ?? ???. ????? ? ???????, ???????? ??????? ????. ? ??? ?? ????, ??? ?????? ? ??? ??????, ??? ????. ??????? ????????? ? ?????, ? ????? ? ??????? ? ???????? ???, ??? ???? ??? ????????????. ??? ???????? ??? ????? ??????? ? ??????, ???, ????? ????, ?? ?? ??? ???????????. ??? ???? ??? ?????, ??? ????? ??? ??????. ? ????? ? ???????, ? ??? ? ????? ???, ???????? ? ?????. ????? ?? ??????. ? ????? ???????? ? ?????? ?????. ??? ?? ????? ?? ????, ? ?? ????????? ?? ????? ? ?? ???? ??????, ????? ????. ???????. ?? ??? ???, ?????? ?? ???. ?????????, ??? ?? ?????????, ??????? ?? ????????. ?? ?????? ?????? ????? ?????, ? ????? ??????? ?????? ?????. "? ????, ??? ????? ????? ????", ?????? ??, ??? ????? ??? ????, ??? ??????. "?????? ?? ??????", ??????? ?. "????? ?????? ..." ??? ????? ???????. ? ??????? ? ???? ? ??? ????? ???, ????? ??? ????? ?????? ??? ????. ?? ????????? ?? ???? ? ??????? ?????????? ??????, ? ????? ?????? ?????. ??? ???? ???? ????? ???????, ?????? ?????. ????? ????, ?? ?? ?????, ????? ? ??????, ?? ??? ?????, ????? ?? ?????? ???. "?? ?? ? ???????, ??? ?? ???," ??????? ?, ?? ???? ?????? ?? ????. ?? ?????? ????? ? ?????????. ?? ?????? ??????? ????? ???? ?? ????, ??? ????? ??? ???? ???????? ?????? ?????? ????. ? ?????? ??????? ? ??? ????? ? ???, ??????? ???? ?? ?? ?????. ?? ?????? ???? ?? ????, ? ??? ? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ???? ????? ??????????. ? ????? ?????, ??? ?? ?????? ?????. ? ?? ??? ???????? ? ????????????. "? ????????? ???????", ?????? ?? ? ????? ?????????? ????????. ? ?????? ?????. "???, ?? ?? ??????. ?? ?????????? ????? ????????? ", ? ??????? ???????, ??????? ?????????? ????? ? ?????. ?? ?????????, ??????? ???????? ???? ??????? ??? ??????. "?? ?????? ????????? ???? ??? ???? ??????? ..." ? ?????, ??? ?? ?????????, ??? ????? ?? ????? ????????? ???, ??? ???????????. ??? ?????????? ???? ???????, ?? ?????? ?? ??????. ??? ???? ?????????? ?? ?????????, ????? ???????, ??????? ??????? ???? ???????. "??? ?????????", ?????? ??, ?????? ????? ??? ????? ?????. "??????? ?? ???????? ????, ????? ????????? ???????? ?? ???," ??????? ?. ?? ?? ???????. ??? ???????? ???? ???????. ???????????? ???, ??????? ?? ????? ????????, ??? ??????? ?? ??? ???????. "? ???????? ????? ??????", ?????? ??, ????? ??????? ??????? ? ??????. ????? ???????????. "? ???? ?????, ?????????? ????? ? ???? ??????". ??? ??? ????? ????? ????????, ????? ? ?????, ??? ?? ???? ? ????. ?? ??????, ?????? ?????? ??? ??????. ? ??? ?????????, ??? ????. ? ??? ??? ?? ??????? ????? ???? ??? ?? ?????. ? ??????? ?????? ????? ?? ????, ????? ? ?????? ???. ??? ???? ???? ??? ?????, ?, ?????????????, ????? ???? ?????. ? ?? ????? ?? ? ??? ?????? ???? ????. ? ?????? ??? ????? ?? ????????, ???, ????? ? ????? ????? ?????. ? ?? ???? ??????????? ???? ????? ??? ????. ?? ????????? ???? ?? ????? ?????, ??? ????? ? ????????. ??????, ?????, ????????, ? ?.?.. ?????? ???? ?????? ???, ?? ??? ????? ????????? ???????. ? ???? ??? ????????? ???????????, ??? ? ??????, ? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??? ??????? ? ???????? ?????????. ?????? ???? ?????? ???????? ???? ??????, ??? ?????? ? ?????? ???, ????????? ?????? ?? ??? ??? ????, ?, ????????? ? ?????? ???. ????? ?? ???????? ?????, ????? ?????? ?? ?????????? ????? ????. ??? ???? ????? ??? ? ??????, ?? ??? ??? xingávamos ???? ?????, ???????? ? ??? ???? ? ??????, ? ?? ???? ????????? ??? ?????? ???????????? ?????. ??? ???? ??????? ?????? ??? ?? ????, ????????? ??? ????????? ? ?? ????? ??? ?? ???. ? ??????????, ??? ? ???? ??? ??????????? ????. ?? ?????? ?? ????, ?? ? ?? ????. ????????, ??? ?? ???? ??????? ????? ??? ????. ? ?????, ??? ?? ???? "????????" ????????. ???????, ????? ????, ??? ? ?????????? ???????? ??????, ??????? ?? ???????, ?? ???????????, ????????? ?? ???? ? ?????????, ????? ????? ? ?????????, ??? ? ?????? ???. "???", ? ??????? ??????????. "? ???? ??????? ?? ???, ??? ?? ?." ? ?????????? ? ?????, ? ??????, ??? ???? ??? ???????? ? ???????, ? ??????????, ??? ??? ?????? ????????? ? ?????? ????? ? ??????. ?? ????????? ???? ? ??????? ?????? ?? ??? ??????. ?? ????????? ? ??? ????????? ? ????????. ? ????? ???? ?????-?? ????. ????? ? ??????? ???, ??? ?????? ????????. ?? ???? ??? ????????, ??? ??? ??????????? ??? ???????. ? ????? ????? ? ???, ???????? ? ???, ?? ????????? ??????. ? ??????? ? ??? ? ????? ?? ?????? ????????, ????? ?? ??????? ????. "?? ?????????, ????? ?? ??????? ??????," ?????? ??, ????????. ?? ????, ??? ?? ??????? ??? ?????? ?????? ?? ???????, ??? ?? ???????. ? ??????? ???? ? ?????? ?????????? ???. ?? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ? ???? ??, ????????? ?????????? ?????, ??? ???. ? ????????? ?? ? ???, ????? ?? ????. ?? ?????????. ?? ???????? ???? ????? ??? ?????, ?, ???? ??? ?? ????????, ??? ????? ??????, ?? ?????? ??? ?? ???. ????? ?? ?????? ????? ... ? ??????? ?? ?????? ??. ?? ???? ? ?? ???? ? ???? ?? ?????. ???????? ??????, ? ????, ?? ??? ???? ??? ?? ????. ??? ????, ??? ????? ? ??????? ? ??????? ????, ? ?? ??? ? ???????? ???. ? ????, ??? ?? ??? ???????? ? ???? ?????, ? ? ??? ???????? ????. ??? ???? ?????? ??? ????, ????? ????????? ??, ?? ?????? ?? ??? ????? ??????? ?? ???????. ? ????? ???? ?????????? ????, ??? ??? ??????, ? ?????? ??????? ???? ? ?? ??: «??? ?? ?? ?? ???, ?? ???? ? ????????? ?? ????, ? ???? ?????? ????? ????? ???? ? ??????? ???, ??? ??? ?????? ???? ???????. ? ????????, ??? ?? ??? ??? ?? ???, ? ??? ????? ?????? ".
Byl moment, kogda ya veril vo vsem. V lezhit v obeshchaniya naznacheniya sdelali sami, padayushchiye zvezdy, ot udachi i sluchaynosti. No chelovek, kotoryy izmenil menya. Izmenili to, chto ya dumal obo vsem moyem videnii mira. Izmenil svoi plany, svoi printsipy i istiny, moi zhelaniya i zhelaniya. Izmenila moyu zhizn', izmenila menya. YA veril, chto my delali to, chto my khoteli, no ya uznal, chto nichto ne yavlyayetsya sluchaynost'yu. Vse proiskhodit po kakoy-to prichine. On byl obychnym chelovekom v samom nachale. Eto bylo ne vazhno, ne bylo neobkhodimosti, no vse izmenilos', i, vozmozhno, samoye luchsheye, chto kogda-libo sluchalos' so mnoy ... YA proshel mimo nego na ulitse ili v drugom meste i tol'ko privetstvoval obrazovaniye. Eto bylo pochti kazhdyy den', pochti v kazhdom meste, ya uzhe privykla k yego prisutstviyu. Tak nachinayetsya druzhba, no eto byl yeshche ne konets. Yest' na nashikh rukakh, a prostoy zhest lyubvi, ono bylo obshchim dlya nas. Okhvatili nas bez zloby. My govorili o vse i vsya. My posetili dom odnogo druga, vsegda. Vse kommentarii i nedoumeniye, no my ne zabotilis'. Odnazhdy, posle mnogikh razgovorov, on sprosil menya, chto nikogda ne prosil. Mne bylo strashno, a ne s voprosom, no s tem, kak sprosil. On imel obyknoveniye govorit' vpolgolosa, no prosheptal vopros, s opushchennoy golovoy, i imel privychku smotret' v glaza cheloveku, s kotorym on besedoval, kem by ona ni byla. On sprosil menya, yesli ya kogda-libo lyubil nikogo. Eto bylo stranno, potomu chto ne bylo nichego, chto on ne znal obo mne, podumal ya. Nesmotrya na to, oglushen, moy otvet byl iskrennim i zastenchivy. "Net", skazal ya, nablyudaya, kak yego litso. On stonal, chego ya ne ponimayu. YA smotrel neskol'ko dolgikh minut. YA khotel, chtoby izobrazheniye, chtoby ostat'sya navsegda v moyey pamyati. Kogda ya smotrel na nego, kak eto? Kogda ya iskal nedostatki v nem, tak i ne nashli? Pochemu ya nikogda ne zamechal, chto u nego rodinka na podborodke, vesnushki yasno, forma rta ili smes' zelenogo i karameli glaza byli? Kak nikogda ya ne zamechal yeye krasoty? Eto bylo krasivo. Udivitel'nyye i nelepo krasivo. Khotel ostat'sya tam navsegda, glyadya yemu v yasnom svete sumerek. Yeye shcheki vspykhnuli, i ya ponyal, chto molchaniye bylo uzhe nelovko. Trudno bylo uyti, no ya byl. Kogda ya vernulsya domoy toy noch'yu, ya podnyalsya po lestnitse bez kolebaniy v dver' i poshel pryamo v nomer. Pogruzhennyy v svoi mysli, lezha v posteli, utknuvshis' litsom v podushku. Chto so mnoy proiskhodit? YA chuvstvoval potrebnost' uslyshat' otvet ot kogo-to. Moy luchshiy drug, mozhet byt'. YA skhvatila telefon i nabrala nomer, bez kolebaniy. On otvetil bystro, khriplo. YA nichego ne skazal. Chto-to v yego golose mne zamorozili. On nichego ne skazal. Po zvuku molchaniya ya slyshal, eto byl nelovko. YA pochti slyshal yego mysli, vmeste s vashim dykhaniyem. YA khotel sprosit' tysyachu i odnu veshch', no komok v gorle. Cherez neskol'ko minut, mne udalos' govorit'. "Kak yest' lyubov'", ya shepotom sprosil slabym i khriplym. Eto bylo nemnogo stranno, chtoby sprosit'. Zhestokim i boleznennym tishina povisla v vozdukhe. YA khotel verit', chto zvuk, kotoryy narushil tishinu, byl zvuk yeye slez. Nekotoryye drugiye momenty molchaniye. "YA slyshal, chto eto stranno. I eto na samom dele ... "nachal on. YA zhdal. "YA slyshal, chto vy teryayete zemlyu, eto kak yesli by otkrylas' bezdna pod nogami ...", dobavil on. Kazalos', teper' bezopasneye. "I tak," sprosil ya. "So mnoy vse bylo inache. Eto bylo, kak budto v pervyy raz, pol byl tam. Kak ya uzhe znal, chto mozhno khodit' bez nichego svergnut' menya. "YA byl v shoke, ne mogu skazat' mnogo. "Kto ona?" Pozhalel, chto sprosil. On izdal tyazhelyy vzdokh. YA chuvstvovala yego bol'. U nas byla kakaya-to svyaz'. Yesli on stradayet, ya tozhe postradali, i naoborot. Ne udalos' izbezhat'. Molchaniye. Opyat' zhe. Odno dykhaniye i ponyal, chto on ne otvetil. Nakonets, on povesil trubku. Moi koleni podognulis', i slezy tekli po moyemu litsu. YA ne pytalsya kontrolirovat', prosto vernulsya v krovat' i obnyal moyu podushku. YA ponyal togda, chto eto ne bylo podushki, ya chuvstvoval potrebnost' obnyat'. YA ponyatiya ne imel, chto proiskhodit so mnoy. YA khotel by imet' yego vokrug, chtoby on mog obnyat' menya i komforta, s intensivnost'yu, chto nikogda ne khotel ran'she. YA byla vlyublena, no nikogda ne byla sil'noy, chto on zastavil menya plakat'. Zhelaniye imet' yego s soboy, pochti zastavil menya vstat' i nemedlenno idti za nim. A potom ya zasnul. Na drugoy den' ya prosnulsya s temnymi krugami glubokim i tyazhelym. My dogovorilis', chto my by uvideli v tot den', kak obychno. YA byla tak schastliva, tak rada s mysl'yu, chto oni budut videt' yego snova, provedya chasy pered zerkalom, ya dumal, chto eto bylo deystvitel'no krasivo. No on ne poyavlyalsya. YA zhdal v techeniye neskol'kikh minut. Nichego on pribyl. YA ne mog poverit', chto on ne byl tam. Mog tol'ko dumat', chto chto-to sluchilos'. On by ne zabyl, ni sdelat', chtoby prichinit' mne bol'. YA pozvonil yemu. On ne otvetil. YA uzhe nachal bespokoit'sya menya, poetomu ya pozvonil v yego dome. Na eto mat' yego skazala mne, chto on pokinul neskol'ko chasov nazad, nervnoy i, ne skazav, kuda on idet. Byli tol'ko dva mesta, kuda on poshel, kogda on nervnichal. V moy dom ili zabroshennoye zdaniye, gde on lyubil khodit' i dumat'. Yesli by eto byl ne ya, eto kak raz mozhet byt' tam. YA poshel tuda, ne dumaya o drugikh gipotez. Kogda ya pribyl, ya pochuvstvoval oblegcheniye, chtoby nayti yego. On lezhal na spine i ne videl menya. YA khotel protyanut' ruku i sprosit', chto proiskhodit, no nichego ne skazala, prosto stoyala i smotrela na nego. On vstal, povernulsya ko mne. Yego glaza byli polny slez. Bylo pochti nevozmozhno kontrolirovat' zhelaniye vybezhat' i obnyat' yego. Kogda ya sdelal neskol'ko shagov vpered, on podnyal pravuyu ruku, kak budto prosit menya ostanovit', a zatem ostanovilsya. "My bol'she ne mozhem videt'", prosheptal on tak tikho, chto trudno bylo uslyshat'. Mozhet byt', eto bylo trudno, potomu chto ya ne khochu slyshat'. Proshlo neskol'ko dolgikh minut, chtoby perevarit' eti slova i to, kak on skazal golosom kholodnym i grubym. "Vy ne uvidite menya bol'she. YA obeshchayu ", prodolzhil on, s tem zhe tonom. «Net! Pozhaluysta, net! ", Popytalas' zakrichat', no glyba, kotoraya, obrazovavshiysya v gorle pomeshala moim golosom vyshel v golos, kotoryy ya khotel. Vystrel k nemu, okutyvaya yego na ruki tak sil'no, kak tol'ko mog. YA plakal. On nichego ne skazal, i ya by vse otdala, chtoby znat', chto on dumayet. "Pozhaluysta, ne delay etogo", khriplo prosheptal on, tyazhelyye rydaniya. YA ponyatiya ne imel, chto on imel v vidu, no mne bylo vse ravno, nezavisimo ot ikh namereniy. YA ne ottolknut' yego. Zatem yego koleni podognulis', i on upal na zemlyu u moikh nog. "Skazhi mne, chto sluchilos', ya khochu pomoch', pozhaluysta, pozvol'te mne pomoch' vam", skazal ya spokoyno, no on uslyshal. On ne otvechal mne, i byl vse vremya plachet. "Mne nuzhno, chtoby ty skazal mne:" YA nastoyal na svoyem. On stoyal s bol'shim usiliyem, posmotrel mne v glaza i derzhal moi ruki plotno. Proshlo neskol'ko minut, prezhde chem zagovorit'. Moye serdtse ostanovilos' na mgnoveniye, zatem uskorilsya otchayanno. Yesli serdtse nachinayet izluchat' zvuk, ya dumayu, chto eto zvuk. Slova, kotoryye posledovali, kak zvuk razbitogo stekla ekhom v moyey golove. "YA ..." on kolebalsya v techeniye neskol'kikh sekund "... lyublyu tebya. Eto vy, ya vse yeshche zhiv, no ya dumayu, chto eto uzhe dovol'no ochevidno. YA proshu, chtoby vashi luchshiye, uyti ot menya. " Kogda-nibud' chuvstvovali, kak budto u nego bylo mnogo o chem pogovorit' i vse zhe ona nichego ne mogla skazat'? YA khorosho. Nedoumenii. Paralizovan. Nedvizhimost'. Tak bylo mne, chto lyubit? S kakikh por? Kakim obrazom? On, kazalos', ponyal moi mysli, kak bystro otvetili. "YA ne znayu, kak i kogda eto proizoshlo, no eto proizoshlo, i teper' ya zdes', ya vse boleye aktivnoye uchastiye v etom i proshu vas uyti ot menya. Eto budet luchshe dlya vas. " Pochemu? Pochemu on govorit? YA vdokhnul i vydokhnul neskol'ko raz, chtoby uspokoit'sya. Bezrezul'tatno. "Vy zhe ne khotite etogo ... Otoydi ot menya. Vy zhe ne khotite ... ", mog, nakonets, slovo. Eto byl ne vopros. On otvernulsya, ne v silakh smotret' mne v glaza. "Net ..." prosheptala ona. "... A mozhet byt', eto moy mazokhistskiye storony". YA ne khotela, chtoby on chuvstvoval, chto put', khotel chto-to sdelat', chtoby polozhit' konets yego bol'. Pochemu ya chuvstvoval, chto beg i pryzhki, chto zdaniye? Pochemu moye serdtse tak bol'no? Pochemu ya chuvstvoval sebya takim obrazom? To, chto ya chuvstvoval sebya voobshche? YA krepko obnyala yego, no on izo vsekh sil, chtoby oslabit' moikh rukakh. YA khotel sokhranit' yego navsegda tam, raspolozhennyy v grudi, pytayas' uspokoit' yego, i zhal', chto on nikogda ne ushel. Ideya yego ot"yezd zastavil menya plakat' snova. "YA nikogda ne ostavlyu tebya, nikogda! Poymi ty, idiot? YA ne otpushchu tebya v etom rode. " On ne sdelal eto v shutku, no perestal borot'sya. Ona posmotrela mne v glaza, kotoryye zastavili menya drozhat'. Cupped moye litso v ruki, gladit' yego, potom priblizil svoye litso blizhe k moyey. Svyazhites' s nashey shkury zastavil menya drozhat'. Cherez neskol'ko sekund ya pochuvstvovala yego guby na moikh, oni byli goryachimi i sladkimi. Samyy sladkiy vkus vsekh potseluyev. Ne khotela, chtoby etot moment zakonchitsya nikogda. I kogda on ushel, on vydavil iz sebya ulybku i skazal, yego golos tonkiy i nizkiy, "do svidaniya". Davno ne videl, kak on vyshel, nogi derzhali menya. Chto my delali? My ne dolzhny byli etogo delat', ne byl uveren. YA ne dolzhen byl ponravilos', chto potseluy. V posleduyushchiye dni, ne govoril. Kogda ya pozvonil, on otvetil mne, i kogda ya prishel k nemu domoy, tam nikogo ne bylo. Pochti cherez nedelyu posle yego priznaniyu, novost' potryasla menya. YA byl doma, zadavayas' voprosom, gde on mozhet byt', kogda moya mat' prishla ko mne s glazami, polnymi slez i vneshniy vid boli. YA popytalsya predstavit', chto eto bylo, i kogda ona skazala mne, ya chuvstvoval mnogo veshchey odnovremenno. Bol', udivleniye, bespokoystvo, toska, bol' i mnogoye drugoye. Eto byl ochen' sil'nyy udar. Vystrel cherez dver' i, nedolgo dumaya, ya poshel pryamo v bol'nitsu, gde yey skazal, chto on byl. Kogda ya priyekhal, otchayaniya okhvatil menya. YA uzhe ne znal, chto dumat' i chto delat', yeshche yest'. Pytayas' sovladat' s soboy, ya poshel v resepshn i poprosil yego, dav svoye imya registratora. Ona pokazala mne nomer komnaty i skazal, chto, mozhet byt', on ne mog vstrechat'sya. Mne bylo vse ravno, mne nuzhno yego videt'. YA iskal v komnate, i tak ya nashel yego, postuchal v dver'. Nikto ne otkryl. YA snova postuchal i otkryl dver'. Tem ne meneye ne idti, ya ne posmotrel na nomer i ne bylo nikogo, krome nego. Vstupil. On byl tam, spinoy ko mne. Nadeyalas', chto on prosnulsya, poetomu on pereyekhal. On brosil vzglyad cherez plecho, a zatem opustil golovu snova. "YA znal, chto skoro nayti menya", skazal on, yego golos byl nizhe, chem obychno. "Pochemu ty zdes'?", Sprosil ya. "Mnogo prichin ..." Yego golos drognul. YA podoshel k nemu i sel pered ney, chtoby ona mogla videt' yego litso. On posmotrel na menya v techeniye neskol'kikh sekund, a zatem zakryl glaza. Yego telo bylo polno sinyakov, temnyye pyatna. Mozhet byt', on ne khotel, chtoby ya skazal, no mne nuzhno, chtoby on skazal mne. "Ty ne v poryadke, eto ne tak," sprosil ya, ne znaya otveta ne bylo. On otkryl glaza i ulybnulsya. Yeye ulybka ozarila takoy zhare na menya, kak budto eto bylo zhiznenno vazhnoy chast'yu menya. YA oboshel krovat' i leg ryadom s ney, polozhiv ruku na yeye talii. On derzhal menya za ruku, i tak ya ponyal, chto yego kozha byla ochen' prokhladnoy. YA videl takzhe, chto on tyazhelo dyshal. YA ne mog poverit' v proiskhodyashcheye. "YA sobirayus' umeret'", skazal on v golos sovershenno kholodnym. YA plakal snova. "Net, vy ne budete. Ne pozvolyayte etomu sluchit'sya ", ya pytalsya skazat', pytayas' proglotit' komok v gorle. On zasmeyalsya, kotoryy zastavil menya plakat' yeshche bol'she. "Vy dolzhny nauchit'sya zhit' bez menya devochka ..." YA ponyal, chto on ulybayetsya, kak budto on nashel blagodat' vse, chto proiskhodilo. Eto razdrazhalo menya nemnogo, no nichego ne skazal. Yego telo napryaglos' na mgnoveniye, zatem pokachal, kotoryy ispugal menya nemnogo. "Eto normal'no", skazal on, slovno chitaya moi mysli snova. "Poetomu ty poprosil menya, chtoby derzhat'sya podal'she ot vas," sprosil ya. On ne otvetil. Yego molchaniye bylo nelovko. Yedinstvennyy shum, kotoryy my mogli uslyshat', byl apparat na yego storone. "YA ostavlyayu zdes' zavtra", skazal on, posle dolgogo vremeni v tishine. Pochti pogoryachilsya. "YA khochu domoy, nakhodit'sya ryadom s moyey sem'yey". Eto byl konets moyego soznaniya, kogda ya ponyal, chto on imel v vidu. Ne vopros, prosto obnyala yego krepche. I tak sledovalo, chto den'. YA tam byl do nemnogo posle togo kak on usnul. YA plakala prosto glyadya na nego, mysl' o potere yego. Yego mat' byla tam takzhe, i, sledovatel'no, mozhet idti domoy. YA ne dumal ni o chem drugom ves' den'. YA tol'ko chto vyshel iz bol'nitsy, chto, kogda ya poshel domoy noch'yu. YA ne mogu predstavit' svoyu zhizn' bez nego. Na sleduyushchiy den' on poshel domoy, vse poshli v bol'nitsu. Druz'ya, sem'ya, znakomyye, i t.d.. Mnogiye lyudi lyubili yego, on byl ochen' osobennyy chelovek. U nego byl nebol'shoy zatrudneniy, idya k mashine, a yego mat' byla na yego storone v kachestve podderzhki. Smotrya etot epizod zastavil menya ponyat', kak sil'no ya lyubila yego, naskol'ko vazhnym on byl dlya menya, i, naskol'ko ya khotela yego. Kogda on vernulsya domoy, pochti nichego ne izmenilos' mezhdu nami. Eto bylo pochti kak i ran'she, my vse yeshche xingávamos drug druga, obsuzhdaya o yego vkus v muzyke, i on dazhe kritikuyut moi volosy okhvatyvayushchikh glaza. Eto bylo priyatno videt' yego so mnoy, zastavit' yego ulybat'sya v to vremya kak on mog. YA chuvstvoval, chto u menya byl pozhiznennyy srok. Ne tol'ko ot nego, no i ot moikh. Kazalos', chto ne bylo nikakoy zhizni bez nego. YA dumayu, chto my byli "vedushchimi" situatsiyu. Odnazhdy, posle togo, kak ya kritikoval dovol'no muzyka, kotoruyu on slushayet, on ostanovilsya, posmotrel na menya i ulybnulsya, kogda noch'yu ya obnaruzhil, chto ya lyubila yego. "Chto", ya sprosil ogranicheny. "YA budu skuchat' po vam, gde by ya." YA ulybnulas' v otvet, i bol'she, chem bylo uzhe privykayu k ??slezy, ya chuvstvoval, chto moye serdtse szhimayetsya s kazhdym slezy ya prolil. Na sleduyushcheye utro ya poluchil zvonok ot yego materi. On ukhudshilsya i byl dostavlen v bol'nitsu. YA poshel tuda kogda-to znal. Kogda ya uvidela yego, moye serdtse zabilos'. On yedva mog govorit', tak chto potrebovalo yego usiliyam. YA sidel ryadom s nim, govorit' s nim, ne dozhidayas' otveta. YA govoril s nim o veshchakh iz nashego proshlogo, kogda on prerval menya. "Ty prekrasna, kogda vy derzhite volosy," skazal on, ulybayas'. On znal, chto on zametil moi volosy prosto ne ozhidala, chto on govoril. YA podavil smekh i prosto ulybnulas' yemu. On derzhal menya za ruku i szhal yeye, ispol'zuya naibol'shey siloy, chto mog. YA potseloval yeye v lob, potom yeye guby. On ulybnulsya. On poprosil menya spet' yemu pesnyu, i, khotya mne ne nravitsya, chto stil' muzyki, on shepnul yemu na ukho. Potom on zakryl glaza ... i nikogda ne otkryl ikh. On umer v tu noch' u menya na rukakh. Vyglyadit uzhasno, ya znayu, no dlya menya eto ne bylo. Eto bylo, kak budto ya kachalsya v techeniye nochi, i on byl v glubokom sne. YA znayu, chto on byl schastliv v moikh rukakh, i ya byl schastliv tozhe. Eto bylo trudno dlya menya, chtoby otpustit' yeye, no teper' on kak budto nikogda ne pokidal. I kogda lyudi sprashivayut menya, gde moya lyubov', ya vsegda otvechayu odno i to zhe: «Gde by on ni byl, on zhdet i nablyudayet za mnoy, i nasha lyubov' budet vechno zhit' v serdtsakh tekh, kto byl chast'yu etoy istorii. YA chuvstvuyu, chto on vse yeshche vo mne, i tak budet vsegda ". ??? ??????, ????? ? ????? ?? ????. ? ????? ? ???????? ?????????? ??????? ????, ???????? ??????, ?? ????? ? ???????????. ?? ???????, ??????? ??????? ????. ???????? ??, ??? ? ????? ??? ???? ???? ??????? ????. ??????? ???? ?????, ???? ???????? ? ??????, ??? ??????? ? ???????. ???????? ??? ?????, ???????? ????. ? ?????, ??? ?? ?????? ??, ??? ?? ??????, ?? ? ?????, ??? ????? ?? ???????? ????????????. ??? ?????????? ?? ?????-?? ???????. ?? ??? ??????? ????????? ? ????? ??????. ??? ???? ?? ?????, ?? ???? ?????????????, ?? ??? ??????????, ?, ????????, ????? ??????, ??? ?????-???? ????????? ?? ???? ... ? ?????? ???? ???? ?? ????? ??? ? ?????? ????? ? ?????? ????????????? ???????????. ??? ???? ????? ?????? ????, ????? ? ?????? ?????, ? ??? ???????? ? ??? ???????????. ??? ?????????? ??????, ?? ??? ??? ??? ?? ?????. ???? ?? ????? ?????, ? ??????? ???? ?????, ??? ???? ????? ??? ???. ???????? ??? ??? ?????. ?? ???????? ? ??? ? ???. ?? ???????? ??? ?????? ?????, ??????. ??? ??????????? ? ??????????, ?? ?? ?? ??????????. ???????, ????? ?????? ??????????, ?? ??????? ????, ??? ??????? ?? ??????. ??? ???? ???????, ? ?? ? ????????, ?? ? ???, ??? ???????. ?? ???? ??????????? ???????? ??????????, ?? ????????? ??????, ? ????????? ???????, ? ???? ???????? ???????? ? ????? ????????, ? ??????? ?? ?????????, ??? ?? ??? ?? ????. ?? ??????? ????, ???? ? ?????-???? ????? ??????. ??? ???? ???????, ?????? ??? ?? ???? ??????, ??? ?? ?? ???? ??? ???, ??????? ?. ???????? ?? ??, ???????, ??? ????? ??? ????????? ? ??????????. "???", ?????? ?, ????????, ??? ??? ????. ?? ??????, ???? ? ?? ???????. ? ??????? ????????? ?????? ?????. ? ?????, ????? ???????????, ????? ???????? ???????? ? ???? ??????. ????? ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ???? ????? ? ????? ?????????? ? ???, ??? ? ?? ?????? ?????? ? ??????? ?? ???????, ??? ? ???? ??????? ?? ??????????, ???????? ????, ????? ??? ??? ????? ???????? ? ???????? ????? ????? ??? ??????? ? ?? ??????? ?? ???????? ??? ???? ???????. ???????????? ? ?????? ???????. ????? ???????? ??? ????????, ????? ??? ? ????? ????? ???????. ?? ???? ?????????, ? ? ?????, ??? ???????? ???? ??? ???????. ?????? ???? ????, ?? ? ???. ????? ? ???????? ????? ??? ?????, ? ???????? ?? ???????? ??? ????????? ? ????? ? ????? ????? ? ?????. ??????????? ? ???? ?????, ???? ? ???????, ?????????? ????? ? ???????. ??? ?? ???? ??????????? ? ?????????? ??????????? ???????? ????? ?? ????-??. ??? ?????? ????, ????? ????. ? ???????? ??????? ? ??????? ?????, ??? ?????????. ?? ??????? ??????, ??????. ? ?????? ?? ??????. ???-?? ? ??? ?????? ??? ??????????. ?? ?????? ?? ??????. ?? ????? ???????? ? ??????, ??? ??? ???????. ? ????? ?????? ??? ?????, ?????? ? ????? ????????. ? ????? ???????? ?????? ? ???? ????, ?? ????? ? ?????. ????? ????????? ?????, ??? ??????? ????????. "??? ???? ??????", ? ??????? ??????? ?????? ? ???????. ??? ???? ??????? ???????, ????? ????????. ???????? ? ??????????? ?????? ??????? ? ???????. ? ????? ??????, ??? ????, ??????? ??????? ??????, ??? ???? ?? ????. ????????? ?????? ??????? ????????. "? ??????, ??? ??? ???????. ? ??? ?? ????? ???? ... "????? ??. ? ????. "? ??????, ??? ?? ??????? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ?? ????????? ?????? ??? ?????? ...", ??????? ??. ????????, ?????? ??????????. "? ???," ??????? ?. "?? ???? ??? ???? ?????. ??? ????, ??? ????? ? ?????? ???, ??? ??? ???. ??? ? ??? ????, ??? ????? ?????? ??? ?????? ????????? ????. "? ??? ? ????, ?? ???? ??????? ?????. "??? ????" ???????, ??? ???????. ?? ????? ??????? ?????. ? ??????????? ??? ????. ? ??? ???? ?????-?? ?????. ???? ?? ????????, ? ???? ??????????, ? ????????. ?? ??????? ????????. ????????. ????? ??. ???? ??????? ? ?????, ??? ?? ?? ???????. ???????, ?? ??????? ??????. ??? ?????? ???????????, ? ????? ????? ?? ????? ????. ? ?? ??????? ??????????????, ?????? ???????? ? ??????? ? ????? ??? ???????. ? ????? ?????, ??? ??? ?? ???? ???????, ? ?????????? ??????????? ??????. ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ?????????? ?? ????. ? ????? ?? ????? ??? ??????, ????? ?? ??? ?????? ???? ? ????????, ? ??????????????, ??? ??????? ?? ????? ??????. ? ???? ????????, ?? ??????? ?? ???? ???????, ??? ?? ???????? ???? ???????. ??????? ????? ??? ? ?????, ????? ???????? ???? ?????? ? ?????????? ???? ?? ???. ? ????? ? ??????. ?? ?????? ???? ? ????????? ? ??????? ??????? ???????? ? ???????. ?? ????????????, ??? ?? ?? ??????? ? ??? ????, ??? ??????. ? ???? ??? ?????????, ??? ???? ? ??????, ??? ??? ????? ?????? ??? ?????, ??????? ???? ????? ????????, ? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ????????????? ???????. ?? ?? ?? ?????????. ? ???? ? ??????? ?????????? ?????. ?????? ?? ??????. ? ?? ??? ????????, ??? ?? ?? ??? ???. ??? ?????? ??????, ??? ???-?? ?????????. ?? ?? ?? ?????, ?? ???????, ????? ????????? ??? ????. ? ???????? ???. ?? ?? ???????. ? ??? ????? ???????????? ????, ??????? ? ???????? ? ??? ????. ?? ??? ???? ??? ??????? ???, ??? ?? ??????? ????????? ????? ?????, ??????? ?, ?? ??????, ???? ?? ????. ???? ?????? ??? ?????, ???? ?? ?????, ????? ?? ?????????. ? ??? ??? ??? ??????????? ??????, ??? ?? ????? ?????? ? ??????. ???? ?? ??? ??? ?? ?, ??? ??? ??? ????? ???? ???. ? ????? ????, ?? ????? ? ?????? ???????. ????? ? ??????, ? ???????????? ??????????, ????? ????? ???. ?? ????? ?? ????? ? ?? ????? ????. ? ????? ????????? ???? ? ????????, ??? ??????????, ?? ?????? ?? ???????, ?????? ?????? ? ???????? ?? ????. ?? ?????, ?????????? ?? ???. ??? ????? ???? ????? ????. ???? ????? ?????????? ?????????????? ??????? ???????? ? ?????? ???. ????? ? ?????? ????????? ????? ??????, ?? ?????? ?????? ????, ??? ????? ?????? ???? ??????????, ? ????? ???????????. "?? ?????? ?? ????? ??????", ????????? ?? ??? ????, ??? ?????? ???? ????????. ????? ????, ??? ???? ??????, ?????? ??? ? ?? ???? ???????. ?????? ????????? ?????? ?????, ????? ?????????? ??? ????? ? ??, ??? ?? ?????? ??????? ???????? ? ??????. "?? ?? ??????? ???? ??????. ? ?????? ", ????????? ??, ? ??? ?? ?????. «???! ??????????, ???! ", ?????????? ?????????, ?? ?????, ???????, ?????????????? ? ????? ???????? ???? ??????? ????? ? ?????, ??????? ? ?????. ??????? ? ????, ???????? ??? ?? ???? ??? ??????, ??? ?????? ???. ? ??????. ?? ?????? ?? ??????, ? ? ?? ??? ??????, ????? ?????, ??? ?? ??????. "??????????, ?? ????? ?????", ?????? ????????? ??, ??????? ???????. ? ??????? ?? ????, ??? ?? ???? ? ????, ?? ??? ???? ??? ?????, ?????????? ?? ?? ?????????. ? ?? ?????????? ???. ????? ??? ?????? ???????????, ? ?? ???? ?? ????? ? ???? ???. "????? ???, ??? ?????????, ? ???? ??????, ??????????, ????????? ??? ?????? ???", ?????? ? ????????, ?? ?? ???????. ?? ?? ??????? ???, ? ??? ??? ????? ??????. "??? ?????, ????? ?? ?????? ???:" ? ??????? ?? ?????. ?? ????? ? ??????? ???????, ????????? ??? ? ????? ? ?????? ??? ???? ??????. ?????? ????????? ?????, ?????? ??? ??????????. ??? ?????? ???????????? ?? ?????????, ????? ????????? ????????. ???? ?????? ???????? ???????? ????, ? ?????, ??? ??? ????. ?????, ??????? ???????????, ??? ???? ????????? ?????? ???? ? ???? ??????. "? ..." ?? ????????? ? ??????? ?????????? ?????? "... ????? ????. ??? ??, ? ??? ??? ???, ?? ? ?????, ??? ??? ??? ???????? ????????. ? ?????, ????? ???? ??????, ???? ?? ????. " ?????-?????? ???????????, ??? ????? ? ???? ???? ????? ? ??? ?????????? ? ??? ?? ??? ?????? ?? ????? ???????? ? ??????. ??????????. ???????????. ????????????. ??? ???? ???, ??? ?????? ? ????? ???? ????? ???????? ??, ????????, ????? ??? ?????, ??? ?????? ????????. "? ?? ????, ??? ? ????? ??? ?????????, ?? ??? ?????????, ? ?????? ? ?????, ? ??? ????? ???????? ??????? ? ???? ? ????? ??? ???? ?? ????. ??? ????? ????? ??? ???. " ??????? ?????? ?? ???????? ? ??????? ? ???????? ????????? ???, ????? ???????????. ??????????????. "?? ?? ?? ?????? ????? ... ?????? ?? ????. ?? ?? ?? ?????? ... ", ???, ???????, ?????. ??? ??? ?? ??????. ?? ??????????, ?? ? ????? ???????? ??? ? ?????. "??? ..." ?????????? ???. "... ? ????? ????, ??? ??? ???????????? ???????". ? ?? ??????, ????? ?? ??????????, ??? ????, ????? ???-?? ???????, ????? ???????? ????? ??? ????. ?????? ? ??????????, ??? ??? ? ??????, ??? ??????? ?????? ??? ?????? ??? ??????? ?????? ? ?????????? ???? ????? ???????? ??, ??? ? ?????????? ???? ??????? ? ?????? ?????? ???, ?? ?? ??? ???? ???, ????? ???????? ???? ?????. ? ????? ????????? ??? ???????? ???, ????????????? ? ?????, ??????? ????????? ???, ? ????, ??? ?? ??????? ?? ????. ???? ??? ?????? ???????? ???? ??????? ?????. "? ??????? ?? ??????? ????, ???????! ????? ??, ?????? ? ?? ?????? ???? ? ???? ????. " ?? ?? ?????? ??? ? ?????, ?? ???????? ????????. ??? ?????????? ??? ? ?????, ??????? ????????? ???? ???????. Cupped ??? ???? ? ????, ??????? ???, ????? ????????? ???? ???? ????? ? ????. ????????? ? ????? ????? ???????? ???? ???????. ????? ????????? ?????? ? ????????????? ??? ???? ?? ????, ??? ???? ???????? ? ????????. ????? ??????? ???? ???? ????????. ?? ??????, ????? ???? ?????? ?????????? ???????. ? ????? ?? ????, ?? ??????? ?? ???? ?????? ? ??????, ??? ????? ?????? ? ??????, "?? ????????". ????? ?? ?????, ??? ?? ?????, ???? ??????? ????. ??? ?? ??????? ?? ?? ?????? ???? ????? ??????, ?? ??? ??????. ? ?? ?????? ??? ???????????, ??? ???????. ? ??????????? ???, ?? ???????. ????? ? ????????, ?? ??????? ???, ? ????? ? ?????? ? ???? ?????, ??? ?????? ?? ????. ????? ????? ?????? ????? ??? ?????????, ??????? ???????? ????. ? ??? ????, ????????? ????????, ??? ?? ????? ????, ????? ??? ???? ?????? ?? ??? ? ???????, ??????? ???? ? ??????? ??? ????. ? ????????? ???????????, ??? ??? ????, ? ????? ??? ??????? ???, ? ?????????? ????? ????? ????????????. ????, ?????????, ????????????, ?????, ???? ? ?????? ??????. ??? ??? ????? ??????? ????. ??????? ????? ????? ?, ??????? ?????, ? ????? ????? ? ????????, ??? ?? ??????, ??? ?? ???. ????? ? ???????, ???????? ??????? ????. ? ??? ?? ????, ??? ?????? ? ??? ??????, ??? ????. ??????? ????????? ? ?????, ? ????? ? ??????? ? ???????? ???, ??? ???? ??? ????????????. ??? ???????? ??? ????? ??????? ? ??????, ???, ????? ????, ?? ?? ??? ???????????. ??? ???? ??? ?????, ??? ????? ??? ??????. ? ????? ? ???????, ? ??? ? ????? ???, ???????? ? ?????. ????? ?? ??????. ? ????? ???????? ? ?????? ?????. ??? ?? ????? ?? ????, ? ?? ????????? ?? ????? ? ?? ???? ??????, ????? ????. ???????. ?? ??? ???, ?????? ?? ???. ?????????, ??? ?? ?????????, ??????? ?? ????????. ?? ?????? ?????? ????? ?????, ? ????? ??????? ?????? ?????. "? ????, ??? ????? ????? ????", ?????? ??, ??? ????? ??? ????, ??? ??????. "?????? ?? ??????", ??????? ?. "????? ?????? ..." ??? ????? ???????. ? ??????? ? ???? ? ??? ????? ???, ????? ??? ????? ?????? ??? ????. ?? ????????? ?? ???? ? ??????? ?????????? ??????, ? ????? ?????? ?????. ??? ???? ???? ????? ???????, ?????? ?????. ????? ????, ?? ?? ?????, ????? ? ??????, ?? ??? ?????, ????? ?? ?????? ???. "?? ?? ? ???????, ??? ?? ???," ??????? ?, ?? ???? ?????? ?? ????. ?? ?????? ????? ? ?????????. ?? ?????? ??????? ????? ???? ?? ????, ??? ????? ??? ???? ???????? ?????? ?????? ????. ? ?????? ??????? ? ??? ????? ? ???, ??????? ???? ?? ?? ?????. ?? ?????? ???? ?? ????, ? ??? ? ?????, ??? ??? ???? ???? ????? ??????????. ? ????? ?????, ??? ?? ?????? ?????. ? ?? ??? ???????? ? ????????????. "? ????????? ???????", ?????? ?? ? ????? ?????????? ????????. ? ?????? ?????. "???, ?? ?? ??????. ?? ?????????? ????? ????????? ", ? ??????? ???????, ??????? ?????????? ????? ? ?????. ?? ?????????, ??????? ???????? ???? ??????? ??? ??????. "?? ?????? ????????? ???? ??? ???? ??????? ..." ? ?????, ??? ?? ?????????, ??? ????? ?? ????? ????????? ???, ??? ???????????. ??? ?????????? ???? ???????, ?? ?????? ?? ??????. ??? ???? ?????????? ?? ?????????, ????? ???????, ??????? ??????? ???? ???????. "??? ?????????", ?????? ??, ?????? ????? ??? ????? ?????. "??????? ?? ???????? ????, ????? ????????? ???????? ?? ???," ??????? ?. ?? ?? ???????. ??? ???????? ???? ???????. ???????????? ???, ??????? ?? ????? ????????, ??? ??????? ?? ??? ???????. "? ???????? ????? ??????", ?????? ??, ????? ??????? ??????? ? ??????. ????? ???????????. "? ???? ?????, ?????????? ????? ? ???? ??????". ??? ??? ????? ????? ????????, ????? ? ?????, ??? ?? ???? ? ????. ?? ??????, ?????? ?????? ??? ??????. ? ??? ?????????, ??? ????. ? ??? ??? ?? ??????? ????? ???? ??? ?? ?????. ? ??????? ?????? ????? ?? ????, ????? ? ?????? ???. ??? ???? ???? ??? ?????, ?, ?????????????, ????? ???? ?????. ? ?? ????? ?? ? ??? ?????? ???? ????. ? ?????? ??? ????? ?? ????????, ???, ????? ? ????? ????? ?????. ? ?? ???? ??????????? ???? ????? ??? ????. ?? ????????? ???? ?? ????? ?????, ??? ????? ? ????????. ??????, ?????, ????????, ? ?.?.. ?????? ???? ?????? ???, ?? ??? ????? ????????? ???????. ? ???? ??? ????????? ???????????, ??? ? ??????, ? ??? ???? ???? ?? ??? ??????? ? ???????? ?????????. ?????? ???? ?????? ???????? ???? ??????, ??? ?????? ? ?????? ???, ????????? ?????? ?? ??? ??? ????, ?, ????????? ? ?????? ???. ????? ?? ???????? ?????, ????? ?????? ?? ?????????? ????? ????. ??? ???? ????? ??? ? ??????, ?? ??? ??? xingávamos ???? ?????, ???????? ? ??? ???? ? ??????, ? ?? ???? ????????? ??? ?????? ???????????? ?????. ??? ???? ??????? ?????? ??? ?? ????, ????????? ??? ????????? ? ?? ????? ??? ?? ???. ? ??????????, ??? ? ???? ??? ??????????? ????. ?? ?????? ?? ????, ?? ? ?? ????. ????????, ??? ?? ???? ??????? ????? ??? ????. ? ?????, ??? ?? ???? "????????" ????????. ???????, ????? ????, ??? ? ?????????? ???????? ??????, ??????? ?? ???????, ?? ???????????, ????????? ?? ???? ? ?????????, ????? ????? ? ?????????, ??? ? ?????? ???. "???", ? ??????? ??????????. "? ???? ??????? ?? ???, ??? ?? ?." ? ?????????? ? ?????, ? ??????, ??? ???? ??? ???????? ? ???????, ? ??????????, ??? ??? ?????? ????????? ? ?????? ????? ? ??????. ?? ????????? ???? ? ??????? ?????? ?? ??? ??????. ?? ????????? ? ??? ????????? ? ????????. ? ????? ???? ?????-?? ????. ????? ? ??????? ???, ??? ?????? ????????. ?? ???? ??? ????????, ??? ??? ??????????? ??? ???????. ? ????? ????? ? ???, ???????? ? ???, ?? ????????? ??????. ? ??????? ? ??? ? ????? ?? ?????? ????????, ????? ?? ??????? ????. "?? ?????????, ????? ?? ??????? ??????," ?????? ??, ????????. ?? ????, ??? ?? ??????? ??? ?????? ?????? ?? ???????, ??? ?? ???????. ? ??????? ???? ? ?????? ?????????? ???. ?? ?????? ???? ?? ???? ? ???? ??, ????????? ?????????? ?????, ??? ???. ? ????????? ?? ? ???, ????? ?? ????. ?? ?????????. ?? ???????? ???? ????? ??? ?????, ?, ???? ??? ?? ????????, ??? ????? ??????, ?? ?????? ??? ?? ???. ????? ?? ?????? ????? ... ? ??????? ?? ?????? ??. ?? ???? ? ?? ???? ? ???? ?? ?????. ???????? ??????, ? ????, ?? ??? ???? ??? ?? ????. ??? ????, ??? ????? ? ??????? ? ??????? ????, ? ?? ??? ? ???????? ???. ? ????, ??? ?? ??? ???????? ? ???? ?????, ? ? ??? ???????? ????. ??? ???? ?????? ??? ????, ????? ????????? ??, ?? ?????? ?? ??? ????? ??????? ?? ???????. ? ????? ???? ?????????? ????, ??? ??? ??????, ? ?????? ??????? ???? ? ?? ??: «??? ?? ?? ?? ???, ?? ???? ? ????????? ?? ????, ? ???? ?????? ????? ????? ???? ? ??????? ???, ??? ??? ?????? ???? ???????. ? ????????, ??? ?? ??? ??? ?? ???, ? ??? ????? ?????? ".
Byl moment, kogda ya veril vo vsem. V lezhit v obeshchaniya naznacheniya sdelali sami, padayushchiye zvezdy, ot udachi i sluchaynosti. No chelovek, kotoryy izmenil menya. Izmenili to, chto ya dumal obo vsem moyem videnii mira. Izmenil svoi plany, svoi printsipy i istiny, moi zhelaniya i zhelaniya. Izmenila moyu zhizn', izmenila menya. YA veril, chto my delali to, chto my khoteli, no ya uznal, chto nichto ne yavlyayetsya sluchaynost'yu. Vse proiskhodit po kakoy-to prichine. On byl obychnym chelovekom v samom nachale. Eto bylo ne vazhno, ne bylo neobkhodimosti, no vse izmenilos', i, vozmozhno, samoye luchsheye, chto kogda-libo sluchalos' so mnoy ... YA proshel mimo nego na ulitse ili v drugom meste i tol'ko privetstvoval obrazovaniye. Eto bylo pochti kazhdyy den', pochti v kazhdom meste, ya uzhe privykla k yego prisutstviyu. Tak nachinayetsya druzhba, no eto byl yeshche ne konets. Yest' na nashikh rukakh, a prostoy zhest lyubvi, ono bylo obshchim dlya nas. Okhvatili nas bez zloby. My govorili o vse i vsya. My posetili dom odnogo druga, vsegda. Vse kommentarii i nedoumeniye, no my ne zabotilis'. Odnazhdy, posle mnogikh razgovorov, on sprosil menya, chto nikogda ne prosil. Mne bylo strashno, a ne s voprosom, no s tem, kak sprosil. On imel obyknoveniye govorit' vpolgolosa, no prosheptal vopros, s opushchennoy golovoy, i imel privychku smotret' v glaza cheloveku, s kotorym on besedoval, kem by ona ni byla. On sprosil menya, yesli ya kogda-libo lyubil nikogo. Eto bylo stranno, potomu chto ne bylo nichego, chto on ne znal obo mne, podumal ya. Nesmotrya na to, oglushen, moy otvet byl iskrennim i zastenchivy. "Net", skazal ya, nablyudaya, kak yego litso. On stonal, chego ya ne ponimayu. YA smotrel neskol'ko dolgikh minut. YA khotel, chtoby izobrazheniye, chtoby ostat'sya navsegda v moyey pamyati. Kogda ya smotrel na nego, kak eto? Kogda ya iskal nedostatki v nem, tak i ne nashli? Pochemu ya nikogda ne zamechal, chto u nego rodinka na podborodke, vesnushki yasno, forma rta ili smes' zelenogo i karameli glaza byli? Kak nikogda ya ne zamechal yeye krasoty? Eto bylo krasivo. Udivitel'nyye i nelepo krasivo. Khotel ostat'sya tam navsegda, glyadya yemu v yasnom svete sumerek. Yeye shcheki vspykhnuli, i ya ponyal, chto molchaniye bylo uzhe nelovko. Trudno bylo uyti, no ya byl. Kogda ya vernulsya domoy toy noch'yu, ya podnyalsya po lestnitse bez kolebaniy v dver' i poshel pryamo v nomer. Pogruzhennyy v svoi mysli, lezha v posteli, utknuvshis' litsom v podushku. Chto so mnoy proiskhodit? YA chuvstvoval potrebnost' uslyshat' otvet ot kogo-to. Moy luchshiy drug, mozhet byt'. YA skhvatila telefon i nabrala nomer, bez kolebaniy. On otvetil bystro, khriplo. YA nichego ne skazal. Chto-to v yego golose mne zamorozili. On nichego ne skazal. Po zvuku molchaniya ya slyshal, eto byl nelovko. YA pochti slyshal yego mysli, vmeste s vashim dykhaniyem. YA khotel sprosit' tysyachu i odnu veshch', no komok v gorle. Cherez neskol'ko minut, mne udalos' govorit'. "Kak yest' lyubov'", ya shepotom sprosil slabym i khriplym. Eto bylo nemnogo stranno, chtoby sprosit'. Zhestokim i boleznennym tishina povisla v vozdukhe. YA khotel verit', chto zvuk, kotoryy narushil tishinu, byl zvuk yeye slez. Nekotoryye drugiye momenty molchaniye. "YA slyshal, chto eto stranno. I eto na samom dele ... "nachal on. YA zhdal. "YA slyshal, chto vy teryayete zemlyu, eto kak yesli by otkrylas' bezdna pod nogami ...", dobavil on. Kazalos', teper' bezopasneye. "I tak," sprosil ya. "So mnoy vse bylo inache. Eto bylo, kak budto v pervyy raz, pol byl tam. Kak ya uzhe znal, chto mozhno khodit' bez nichego svergnut' menya. "YA byl v shoke, ne mogu skazat' mnogo. "Kto ona?" Pozhalel, chto sprosil. On izdal tyazhelyy vzdokh. YA chuvstvovala yego bol'. U nas byla kakaya-to svyaz'. Yesli on stradayet, ya tozhe postradali, i naoborot. Ne udalos' izbezhat'. Molchaniye. Opyat' zhe. Odno dykhaniye i ponyal, chto on ne otvetil. Nakonets, on povesil trubku. Moi koleni podognulis', i slezy tekli po moyemu litsu. YA ne pytalsya kontrolirovat', prosto vernulsya v krovat' i obnyal moyu podushku. YA ponyal togda, chto eto ne bylo podushki, ya chuvstvoval potrebnost' obnyat'. YA ponyatiya ne imel, chto proiskhodit so mnoy. YA khotel by imet' yego vokrug, chtoby on mog obnyat' menya i komforta, s intensivnost'yu, chto nikogda ne khotel ran'she. YA byla vlyublena, no nikogda ne byla sil'noy, chto on zastavil menya plakat'. Zhelaniye imet' yego s soboy, pochti zastavil menya vstat' i nemedlenno idti za nim. A potom ya zasnul. Na drugoy den' ya prosnulsya s temnymi krugami glubokim i tyazhelym. My dogovorilis', chto my by uvideli v tot den', kak obychno. YA byla tak schastliva, tak rada s mysl'yu, chto oni budut videt' yego snova, provedya chasy pered zerkalom, ya dumal, chto eto bylo deystvitel'no krasivo. No on ne poyavlyalsya. YA zhdal v techeniye neskol'kikh minut. Nichego on pribyl. YA ne mog poverit', chto on ne byl tam. Mog tol'ko dumat', chto chto-to sluchilos'. On by ne zabyl, ni sdelat', chtoby prichinit' mne bol'. YA pozvonil yemu. On ne otvetil. YA uzhe nachal bespokoit'sya menya, poetomu ya pozvonil v yego dome. Na eto mat' yego skazala mne, chto on pokinul neskol'ko chasov nazad, nervnoy i, ne skazav, kuda on idet. Byli tol'ko dva mesta, kuda on poshel, kogda on nervnichal. V moy dom ili zabroshennoye zdaniye, gde on lyubil khodit' i dumat'. Yesli by eto byl ne ya, eto kak raz mozhet byt' tam. YA poshel tuda, ne dumaya o drugikh gipotez. Kogda ya pribyl, ya pochuvstvoval oblegcheniye, chtoby nayti yego. On lezhal na spine i ne videl menya. YA khotel protyanut' ruku i sprosit', chto proiskhodit, no nichego ne skazala, prosto stoyala i smotrela na nego. On vstal, povernulsya ko mne. Yego glaza byli polny slez. Bylo pochti nevozmozhno kontrolirovat' zhelaniye vybezhat' i obnyat' yego. Kogda ya sdelal neskol'ko shagov vpered, on podnyal pravuyu ruku, kak budto prosit menya ostanovit', a zatem ostanovilsya. "My bol'she ne mozhem videt'", prosheptal on tak tikho, chto trudno bylo uslyshat'. Mozhet byt', eto bylo trudno, potomu chto ya ne khochu slyshat'. Proshlo neskol'ko dolgikh minut, chtoby perevarit' eti slova i to, kak on skazal golosom kholodnym i grubym. "Vy ne uvidite menya bol'she. YA obeshchayu ", prodolzhil on, s tem zhe tonom. «Net! Pozhaluysta, net! ", Popytalas' zakrichat', no glyba, kotoraya, obrazovavshiysya v gorle pomeshala moim golosom vyshel v golos, kotoryy ya khotel. Vystrel k nemu, okutyvaya yego na ruki tak sil'no, kak tol'ko mog. YA plakal. On nichego ne skazal, i ya by vse otdala, chtoby znat', chto on dumayet. "Pozhaluysta, ne delay etogo", khriplo prosheptal on, tyazhelyye rydaniya. YA ponyatiya ne imel, chto on imel v vidu, no mne bylo vse ravno, nezavisimo ot ikh namereniy. YA ne ottolknut' yego. Zatem yego koleni podognulis', i on upal na zemlyu u moikh nog. "Skazhi mne, chto sluchilos', ya khochu pomoch', pozhaluysta, pozvol'te mne pomoch' vam", skazal ya spokoyno, no on uslyshal. On ne otvechal mne, i byl vse vremya plachet. "Mne nuzhno, chtoby ty skazal mne:" YA nastoyal na svoyem. On stoyal s bol'shim usiliyem, posmotrel mne v glaza i derzhal moi ruki plotno. Proshlo neskol'ko minut, prezhde chem zagovorit'. Moye serdtse ostanovilos' na mgnoveniye, zatem uskorilsya otchayanno. Yesli serdtse nachinayet izluchat' zvuk, ya dumayu, chto eto zvuk. Slova, kotoryye posledovali, kak zvuk razbitogo stekla ekhom v moyey golove. "YA ..." on kolebalsya v techeniye neskol'kikh sekund "... lyublyu tebya. Eto vy, ya vse yeshche zhiv, no ya dumayu, chto eto uzhe dovol'no ochevidno. YA proshu, chtoby vashi luchshiye, uyti ot menya. " Kogda-nibud' chuvstvovali, kak budto u nego bylo mnogo o chem pogovorit' i vse zhe ona nichego ne mogla skazat'? YA khorosho. Nedoumenii. Paralizovan. Nedvizhimost'. Tak bylo mne, chto lyubit? S kakikh por? Kakim obrazom? On, kazalos', ponyal moi mysli, kak bystro otvetili. "YA ne znayu, kak i kogda eto proizoshlo, no eto proizoshlo, i teper' ya zdes', ya vse boleye aktivnoye uchastiye v etom i proshu vas uyti ot menya. Eto budet luchshe dlya vas. " Pochemu? Pochemu on govorit? YA vdokhnul i vydokhnul neskol'ko raz, chtoby uspokoit'sya. Bezrezul'tatno. "Vy zhe ne khotite etogo ... Otoydi ot menya. Vy zhe ne khotite ... ", mog, nakonets, slovo. Eto byl ne vopros. On otvernulsya, ne v silakh smotret' mne v glaza. "Net ..." prosheptala ona. "... A mozhet byt', eto moy mazokhistskiye storony". YA ne khotela, chtoby on chuvstvoval, chto put', khotel chto-to sdelat', chtoby polozhit' konets yego bol'. Pochemu ya chuvstvoval, chto beg i pryzhki, chto zdaniye? Pochemu moye serdtse tak bol'no? Pochemu ya chuvstvoval sebya takim obrazom? To, chto ya chuvstvoval sebya voobshche? YA krepko obnyala yego, no on izo vsekh sil, chtoby oslabit' moikh rukakh. YA khotel sokhranit' yego navsegda tam, raspolozhennyy v grudi, pytayas' uspokoit' yego, i zhal', chto on nikogda ne ushel. Ideya yego ot"yezd zastavil menya plakat' snova. "YA nikogda ne ostavlyu tebya, nikogda! Poymi ty, idiot? YA ne otpushchu tebya v etom rode. " On ne sdelal eto v shutku, no perestal borot'sya. Ona posmotrela mne v glaza, kotoryye zastavili menya drozhat'. Cupped moye litso v ruki, gladit' yego, potom priblizil svoye litso blizhe k moyey. Svyazhites' s nashey shkury zastavil menya drozhat'. Cherez neskol'ko sekund ya pochuvstvovala yego guby na moikh, oni byli goryachimi i sladkimi. Samyy sladkiy vkus vsekh potseluyev. Ne khotela, chtoby etot moment zakonchitsya nikogda. I kogda on ushel, on vydavil iz sebya ulybku i skazal, yego golos tonkiy i nizkiy, "do svidaniya". Davno ne videl, kak on vyshel, nogi derzhali menya. Chto my delali? My ne dolzhny byli etogo delat', ne byl uveren. YA ne dolzhen byl ponravilos', chto potseluy. V posleduyushchiye dni, ne govoril. Kogda ya pozvonil, on otvetil mne, i kogda ya prishel k nemu domoy, tam nikogo ne bylo. Pochti cherez nedelyu posle yego priznaniyu, novost' potryasla menya. YA byl doma, zadavayas' voprosom, gde on mozhet byt', kogda moya mat' prishla ko mne s glazami, polnymi slez i vneshniy vid boli. YA popytalsya predstavit', chto eto bylo, i kogda ona skazala mne, ya chuvstvoval mnogo veshchey odnovremenno. Bol', udivleniye, bespokoystvo, toska, bol' i mnogoye drugoye. Eto byl ochen' sil'nyy udar. Vystrel cherez dver' i, nedolgo dumaya, ya poshel pryamo v bol'nitsu, gde yey skazal, chto on byl. Kogda ya priyekhal, otchayaniya okhvatil menya. YA uzhe ne znal, chto dumat' i chto delat', yeshche yest'. Pytayas' sovladat' s soboy, ya poshel v resepshn i poprosil yego, dav svoye imya registratora. Ona pokazala mne nomer komnaty i skazal, chto, mozhet byt', on ne mog vstrechat'sya. Mne bylo vse ravno, mne nuzhno yego videt'. YA iskal v komnate, i tak ya nashel yego, postuchal v dver'. Nikto ne otkryl. YA snova postuchal i otkryl dver'. Tem ne meneye ne idti, ya ne posmotrel na nomer i ne bylo nikogo, krome nego. Vstupil. On byl tam, spinoy ko mne. Nadeyalas', chto on prosnulsya, poetomu on pereyekhal. On brosil vzglyad cherez plecho, a zatem opustil golovu snova. "YA znal, chto skoro nayti menya", skazal on, yego golos byl nizhe, chem obychno. "Pochemu ty zdes'?", Sprosil ya. "Mnogo prichin ..." Yego golos drognul. YA podoshel k nemu i sel pered ney, chtoby ona mogla videt' yego litso. On posmotrel na menya v techeniye neskol'kikh sekund, a zatem zakryl glaza. Yego telo bylo polno sinyakov, temnyye pyatna. Mozhet byt', on ne khotel, chtoby ya skazal, no mne nuzhno, chtoby on skazal mne. "Ty ne v poryadke, eto ne tak," sprosil ya, ne znaya otveta ne bylo. On otkryl glaza i ulybnulsya. Yeye ulybka ozarila takoy zhare na menya, kak budto eto bylo zhiznenno vazhnoy chast'yu menya. YA oboshel krovat' i leg ryadom s ney, polozhiv ruku na yeye talii. On derzhal menya za ruku, i tak ya ponyal, chto yego kozha byla ochen' prokhladnoy. YA videl takzhe, chto on tyazhelo dyshal. YA ne mog poverit' v proiskhodyashcheye. "YA sobirayus' umeret'", skazal on v golos sovershenno kholodnym. YA plakal snova. "Net, vy ne budete. Ne pozvolyayte etomu sluchit'sya ", ya pytalsya skazat', pytayas' proglotit' komok v gorle. On zasmeyalsya, kotoryy zastavil menya plakat' yeshche bol'she. "Vy dolzhny nauchit'sya zhit' bez menya devochka ..." YA ponyal, chto on ulybayetsya, kak budto on nashel blagodat' vse, chto proiskhodilo. Eto razdrazhalo menya nemnogo, no nichego ne skazal. Yego telo napryaglos' na mgnoveniye, zatem pokachal, kotoryy ispugal menya nemnogo. "Eto normal'no", skazal on, slovno chitaya moi mysli snova. "Poetomu ty poprosil menya, chtoby derzhat'sya podal'she ot vas," sprosil ya. On ne otvetil. Yego molchaniye bylo nelovko. Yedinstvennyy shum, kotoryy my mogli uslyshat', byl apparat na yego storone. "YA ostavlyayu zdes' zavtra", skazal on, posle dolgogo vremeni v tishine. Pochti pogoryachilsya. "YA khochu domoy, nakhodit'sya ryadom s moyey sem'yey". Eto byl konets moyego soznaniya, kogda ya ponyal, chto on imel v vidu. Ne vopros, prosto obnyala yego krepche. I tak sledovalo, chto den'. YA tam byl do nemnogo posle togo kak on usnul. YA plakala prosto glyadya na nego, mysl' o potere yego. Yego mat' byla tam takzhe, i, sledovatel'no, mozhet idti domoy. YA ne dumal ni o chem drugom ves' den'. YA tol'ko chto vyshel iz bol'nitsy, chto, kogda ya poshel domoy noch'yu. YA ne mogu predstavit' svoyu zhizn' bez nego. Na sleduyushchiy den' on poshel domoy, vse poshli v bol'nitsu. Druz'ya, sem'ya, znakomyye, i t.d.. Mnogiye lyudi lyubili yego, on byl ochen' osobennyy chelovek. U nego byl nebol'shoy zatrudneniy, idya k mashine, a yego mat' byla na yego storone v kachestve podderzhki. Smotrya etot epizod zastavil menya ponyat', kak sil'no ya lyubila yego, naskol'ko vazhnym on byl dlya menya, i, naskol'ko ya khotela yego. Kogda on vernulsya domoy, pochti nichego ne izmenilos' mezhdu nami. Eto bylo pochti kak i ran'she, my vse yeshche xingávamos drug druga, obsuzhdaya o yego vkus v muzyke, i on dazhe kritikuyut moi volosy okhvatyvayushchikh glaza. Eto bylo priyatno videt' yego so mnoy, zastavit' yego ulybat'sya v to vremya kak on mog. YA chuvstvoval, chto u menya byl pozhiznennyy srok. Ne tol'ko ot nego, no i ot moikh. Kazalos', chto ne bylo nikakoy zhizni bez nego. YA dumayu, chto my byli "vedushchimi" situatsiyu. Odnazhdy, posle togo, kak ya kritikoval dovol'no muzyka, kotoruyu on slushayet, on ostanovilsya, posmotrel na menya i ulybnulsya, kogda noch'yu ya obnaruzhil, chto ya lyubila yego. "Chto", ya sprosil ogranicheny. "YA budu skuchat' po vam, gde by ya." YA ulybnulas' v otvet, i bol'she, chem bylo uzhe privykayu k ??slezy, ya chuvstvoval, chto moye serdtse szhimayetsya s kazhdym slezy ya prolil. Na sleduyushcheye utro ya poluchil zvonok ot yego materi. On ukhudshilsya i byl dostavlen v bol'nitsu. YA poshel tuda kogda-to znal. Kogda ya uvidela yego, moye serdtse zabilos'. On yedva mog govorit', tak chto potrebovalo yego usiliyam. YA sidel ryadom s nim, govorit' s nim, ne dozhidayas' otveta. YA govoril s nim o veshchakh iz nashego proshlogo, kogda on prerval menya. "Ty prekrasna, kogda vy derzhite volosy," skazal on, ulybayas'. On znal, chto on zametil moi volosy prosto ne ozhidala, chto on govoril. YA podavil smekh i prosto ulybnulas' yemu. On derzhal menya za ruku i szhal yeye, ispol'zuya naibol'shey siloy, chto mog. YA potseloval yeye v lob, potom yeye guby. On ulybnulsya. On poprosil menya spet' yemu pesnyu, i, khotya mne ne nravitsya, chto stil' muzyki, on shepnul yemu na ukho. Potom on zakryl glaza ... i nikogda ne otkryl ikh. On umer v tu noch' u menya na rukakh. Vyglyadit uzhasno, ya znayu, no dlya menya eto ne bylo. Eto bylo, kak budto ya kachalsya v techeniye nochi, i on byl v glubokom sne. YA znayu, chto on byl schastliv v moikh rukakh, i ya byl schastliv tozhe. Eto bylo trudno dlya menya, chtoby otpustit' yeye, no teper' on kak budto nikogda ne pokidal. I kogda lyudi sprashivayut menya, gde moya lyubov', ya vsegda otvechayu odno i to zhe: «Gde by on ni byl, on zhdet i nablyudayet za mnoy, i nasha lyubov' budet vechno zhit' v serdtsakh tekh, kto byl chast'yu etoy istorii. YA chuvstvuyu, chto on vse yeshche vo mne, i tak budet vsegda ". **/































































































































































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